starting over studio

I Am Choosing to Live

2012-03-19T19:41:00.000-05:00

Here's my latest journal page, containing the text, "I am choosing to live, even if it's messy + crazy + chaotic." In considering my decision to attend night school next year while juggling a full-time job and family obligations, I'll be taking on more than I ever have in the past and will probably find it to be the most difficult challenge I've ever undertaken. However, I know that at this point in my journey I can't have it any other way. In choosing to transform my career, my life, and myself, there will have to be sacrifices. Things may be scary--but to me, staying where I am indefinitely and accepting it as "good enough" for the next thirty-plus years is even more scary.

Have a great week!

A Change Inside of Me

2012-02-29T20:46:00.000-06:00

Can't believe it's been 2 weeks since my last post! It's been quite a crazy, busy, monumental time. Change is in the air, as well as inside of me.

For quite awhile (several years, really) I've struggled with a great deal of confusion regarding my career. In the deepest part of me, I've always felt as though a major piece of the puzzle is missing. I just haven't felt the way that some of my family members and friends feel about their work. For instance, my mom has been an elementary school teacher for over 30 years, and her passion for helping children learn is so strong that it's nearly impossible for her to contemplate retirement, even though she'll be 63 next month. My sister, a dedicated social worker, provides assistance to the poor at the neighborhood clinic where she works, and in the past served as an advocate for children in foster care; though the work is at times very stressful, she's sustained by her passion for helping people. I also have many friends who, if asked, would surely describe their careers as their "callings."

It's dawned on me recently that my life's "calling" may not be within the profession I've been in for the last decade. Though I've tried time and time again to make myself fit the mold of that ideal, I think I've just now arrived at the conclusion that I might be no more than a square peg attempting to fit into a round hole--and that I probably need to find an altogether different "hole," one that's designed especially for me.

In the last month, I've made the big decision to go back to school, and pursue a degree in graphic design. For a girl who's only had a smattering of formal art training, this is a bit overwhelming and even somewhat scary--but the passion I feel for creating is the passion I feel in my heart, and I feel strongly that this is the right time for me to acknowledge--and follow--my passion.

I've applied for admission to a local technical school with an associate's degree program, and plan to enroll in night classes for the next few years. After completing the first degree, I hope to work toward a Bachelor's degree at a four-year university, several of which have articulation agreements with the tech school. It'll be a time of profound growth, I think, and I can hardly wait to begin--but it will also be difficult to juggle all the responsibilities of school along with a full-time job and a family. Furthermore, I'll be diving into a profession nothing like the one I'm in now, and with my limited formal training, I'm sure I'll need to take some extra foundational art courses on the side, to try to acquire and refine skills I've never had the opportunity to develop (i.e., drawing!!!!), and this may test my patience and resolve.

I will definitely need the support of my husband, family, friends, and of course my blogging buddies :-) to get through the tough parts!

Thank God for second chances!

I Am...Not Sure

2012-02-15T21:56:00.000-06:00

This is my newest spread in the "I Am" journal, and it explores my indecision regarding whether to have a child.

I'm 33 years old, and my husband Tim and I have been married for nearly two years. He has a son, Connor, 9, from a previous marriage, and we have custody of him 50% of the time. I greatly enjoy my role as stepmom, and Connor and I have a wonderful relationship. We have many shared interests; in recent years he's started playing tennis, which I've played since I was his age, and also plays the same saxophone I played when I was in the school band. In addition, he really likes scrapbooking with me, and has already completed albums filled with his own layouts.

Over the years, Tim and I have often discussed having at least one child of our own. Until about two years ago, I was completely certain I wanted to have a baby. These days, I'm not so sure. I don't know exactly when or why my feelings shifted; all I know is that when I lost my job and became unemployed in 2010, my entire world turned upside down, and in the midst of this unexpected shake-up, my beliefs about myself and what I wanted out of life changed drastically. Suffering from an identity crisis as well as depression, the future seemed uncertain and scary; needless to say, starting a family was simply not an option at that time.

Although I've been back to work since September, I feel like I'm still trying to figure out my identity and what's next for me in terms of my career--and having a baby doesn't feel like part of that equation--at least, not for now. Will it ever feel right? And what if it never does? I never imagined it would be this way for me. However, it is what it is--and if I've learned anything in the last 24 months, it's that whatever is meant to be, will be. Maybe I will have a child of my own someday, maybe I won't. Either way, I will continue being Connor's stepmother and friend, and that's a wonderful thing.

Thanks for stopping by!

"I Am Who I Am...An Artist"

2012-02-08T20:56:00.000-06:00

I finished this spread a few days ago, after several days of adding and subtracting layers, trying to focus on increasing the depth and complexity of my page backgrounds.

I created the first layer by tearing a previously completed written journal page into many small pieces, and adhering them all over both pages. I then dry-brushed a mixture of yellow ochre and red over the adhered papers. After removing some of this paint with a paper towel and allowing it to dry, I stamped a harlequin pattern over both pages with white acrylic, again taking back some of the color with a paper towel. I also added stenciling and sprayed areas of the background with red Smooches. I finished the background by stamping flourishes in black ink around the edges of the spread.

I added words and phrases from magazines, as well as my own journaling. Finally, I adhered the image of the woman with her head in a book, grounded on a piece of ephemera to the page, as well as the title, "Challenge What's Possible."

This spread is really a mini-manifesto, a mantra for how I want to live my life and who/what/where I want to be in the future. I've been experiencing an identity crisis for awhile now, as I try to reconcile who I believed I was in the past with who I've turned out to be right now. I know I've wasted a lot of precious time denying my true self in order to satisfy others, instead of standing up and articulating strongly what it is that I need and want. Some aspects of my life just aren't authentic to the person I am now, and I'm starting to recognize that there's only so far you can go and so much fulfillment you can achieve when you aren't being true to yourself.

One sentence I added to the page in my own hand states, "To evolve requires honesty and change."

I am recognizing more than ever the necessity of change in certain areas of my life--and there's no denying the winds of change are blowing all around me. The question is, will I "get out of my own way," and simply allow them to sweep out the old and bring in the new?

Have a wonderful week!

Love Lemon Street Gallery!

2012-02-05T20:28:00.003-06:00

"Quiet Strength"

This afternoon my sister and I attended a mixed-media collage workshop at Lemon Street Gallery, a beautiful little shop and studio about a block from Lake Michigan in Kenosha, Wisconsin--and had a BLAST! Lemon Street, which you can visit at http://www.lemonstreetgallery.org, is a cooperative in which a number of local artists in various media display and sell their work. It was such fun to browse the galleries and check out all of the lovely paintings, sculptures, blown glass pieces, handmade books, assemblages, and collages offered there!

Instructed and inspired by the wonderful mixed-media artist Deborah Madigan, we combined painting and composition techniques to create an original collage on 5x7" canvas board. We had the opportunity to raid an enormous collection of papers she brought for us, from wallpaper and paint pallette strips to vintage postage stamps and tissue. The hardest part was definitely choosing from the piles and piles of colorful, textured goodies that were available!

I chose to create a collage for my mom using some old photos of her grandfather, a gentle and dignified man named Walter. As a child, his life was unimaginably difficult. Around the time Walter was born, his dad fathered an illegitimate child with his mother's sister; ironically, Walter and his half-brother/cousin would be extremely close throughout their lives. Walter's mother died when he was still a boy, and his father married and divorced twice after that; at least one of these marriages had been abusive. Walter wasn't close to his dad as an adult; in fact, my mom just recently learned that her great-grandfather had lived until she was six years old--but she never met him. Unfortunately, Walter himself died several years before I was born, so I never knew him--but when I see old photos of him, with his stoic, calm countenance, I always think of the phrase "quiet strength," and this is where I developed the title for my collage.

I created the background by dry-brushing blue, teal, lavender, and white acrylic paint on the canvas. I then added stamped text, and adhered an old book page, a strip of wallpaper, part of a paint pallette strip, a bunch of vintage stamps, and an image cut from a magazine. The photos were cut and placed on the canvas board, and the words "quiet" and "strength," which I'd typed at home on vintage paper with my new vintage typewriter (which I excitedly bought on Ebay and just received it this week!), were trimmed and adhered over them. To add an aged patina, I rubbed a mauve-colored pastel over the painted areas; I then sealed the entire piece with fixative.

My sister, who'd never tried collage before, also had a lot of fun at the class, and we both signed up for an e-mail list advertising future learning opportunities.

After visiting the gallery and seeing the other artists' work, I've set a goal for myself of someday becoming a "member artist," and displaying/selling my work there; it seems like the kind of venue where mixed-media art is valued, and I think it would be a good fit for me, whenever I'm ready to take the plunge!

Have a great week!

PS: I also want to thank my lovely friend Lisa from My Peace of Paper for honoring me with the "Liebster Blog" award! Lisa's blog can be found at http://mypeaceofpaper.blogspot.com. Thanks, Lisa! Love you! :-)

I Am Confused...

2012-01-31T20:16:00.004-06:00

I completed this spread in my "I Am" journal this afternoon.

I began by adhering old book pages and words/phrases cut out from magazines to the background with gel medium. I then painted a color wash of teal acrylic over the entire background. I applied additional layers of color by stamping bubble wrap with white acrylic, spritzing red Smoochers over a butterfly mask, and flicking a toothbrush full of watered-down yellow paint over the surface to create small and large splotches. I stamped the title and created the journaling space with white acrylic.

Thanks for stopping by--and have a great week!

I Am Telling My Truth

2012-01-26T22:11:00.000-06:00

Here is the latest page in my "I Am" journal.

This page started with a coat of white acrylic paint, and a whole page full of writing/venting about some stress and frustration I've been dealing with lately. I had a great time covering up the handwritten text. First, I adhered some patterned paper scraps in certain spots with gel medium, and then painted over sections with bright colors, such as teal, fuchsia, key lime green, and blue. I outlined each section of color with a stripe of white paint and black Pitt pen. I used stamps and stencils with paint and ink to add further embellishment to each section, and then, sensing that the bright colors needed some muting, I lightly rubbed white acrylic over the entire spread with a dry rag. Last but not least, I painted my title in black acrylic and filled some of the open areas with some quotes regarding the difficulty one often faces when confronting, expressing, and ultimately accepting the truth of their circumstances.

I love being able to cover my writing with layers of paper, paint, and ink, because then I can be the only person who really knows what's hidden beneath. I also find that it's highly cathartic; there's something about the act of applying paint and ink and other wet media to the page, be it with a brush or a sponge or my fingers, that seems to soothe whatever distress I happen to be feeling at the time.

I'm really surprised that I've started to enjoy writing with paint in my journal. As a left-hander with sloppy, chicken-scratch cursive that was never good enough for any of my teachers in school (my college professors even banished me to the computer lab to type all of my finals), it's been a real challenge for me to incorporate my writing in any of my artwork. I just don't have much confidence in that area. Strangely, after taking the plunge and including some of it, it no longer seems that scary; who cares anymore about what my nasty fourth grade teacher used to say about how my writing was "incomprehensible" and "unfeminine." It is what it is, and it's part of the essence of who I am...and I shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed about something that intimate about myself.

More proof positive about how the truth--and art--can set you free.

Have a great weekend!

I Am...Growing!!!

2012-01-22T14:13:00.000-06:00

Entitled "I Am...Growing!!!", this page celebrates the progress I feel I've made in my art in the last year, in terms of learning new techniques, taking new risks, and achieving goals.

I began this spread by covering parts of the background with inspiring words and phrases cut from magazines, as well as a strip of Stampington & Company patterned paper, a scrap of vintage wallpaper, and an identification tag found in my car after a recent oil change. I then covered the page with a watered-down layer of of lime green acrylic paint; after it dried, I added subsequent layers of orange, yellow, and magenta paint, and mixed them together on the page with my fingers. After each layer was applied, I rubbed some of the paper off with baby wipes. I recently ordered a set of different colors of Smooch Spritz from the Paper Wishes catalog, and used the red spritzer with a 6x6" flourish stencil in the upper left and lower right corners of this spread (**everyone should try this product; it's extremely easy to use and so much fun!). I painted the title in watered-down black acrylic paint, and added journaling and favorite quotes with a black Pitt pen. I attached the self-portrait last; I enlarged a pencil drawing I recently made on a sheet of scratch paper, colored it with white acrylic paint and pastels, and cut it out, attaching it with gel medium. The dress was cut from patterned paper.

There have been several wonderful firsts that have occurred in the last year, such as my first post on this blog last March, my first contribution to an online challenge, and my first piece of art published in a magazine. This spread documents some of these "big" firsts, as well as smaller firsts, like creating my first altered book, using stencils and masks, incorporating fabric and hand-stitching in my projects (a big deal for someone who never sewed a button by herself up to this point and kept getting her sleeve caught in the sewing machine in home ec!), writing text with paint, and gaining some confidence in my drawing skills (until the past year, my fear of drawing and feelings of inadequacy in this area, going back to early childhood, made it impossible for me to even try to draw, much less include anything I'd drawn in my artwork). I look forward to making improvement in all of these areas and learning even more in the next year!

Have a great week!

I Am...(Over)Sensitive

2012-01-15T22:32:00.000-06:00

I completed this latest page in my "I Am" journal yesterday evening, after a few days of gradually building up and removing various layers. I began with a collage of torn vintage book pages adhered with gel medium. I then applied color washes of burnt sienna as well as various shades of maroon and red acrylic paint, wiping away paint in certain areas with wet and dry paper towels in order to reveal some of the text underneath. In between washes, I incorporated some brief lines of journaling in different areas of the spread with a black Pitt Pen (my new favorite!), leaving some of the writing exposed and some of it obscured by the paint. I drew the hearts on leftover pieces of the vintage book pages, hand-cut them, and distressed them with walnut stain. After adhering them to the background with gel medium, I outlined them lightly with charcoal. To finish off the page, I added stamped text and punchinella/mesh stenciling to further enhance the design, as well as typewritten words adhered to each of the hearts.

This page is an exploration of some aspects of myself that I find limiting and inhibiting, not just in terms of my creativity, but in other areas of my life (work, relationships, etc), especially my tendency to be oversensitive and to take everything much too personally. While this characteristic has been with me to some degree since early childhood and is just part of my temperament, it's definitely become more pronounced during the period of time I spent unemployed and unable to secure a full-time job in 2010-2011. My oversensitivity makes it difficult for me to place my trust in other people, even those who are closest to me--and to give others some slack when they disappoint me. It also prevents me from taking risks, for fear of "screwing up" or making mistakes, resulting in paralysis and inaction.

I have a close friend in whom I confide, who experiences this same kind of oversensitivity at times, and while it's been a great comfort to know I'm not alone, I realize I need to work on trusting myself and others, and on giving myself permission to take risks, whether they be big (sending my work in for publication) or small (choosing bright, never-before mixed colors to splash on the page). Art has completely transformed me in the last two years, and I know that it still has so much yet to teach me; this journal page and all the others to come are part of the curriculum.

Have a great week!

I Am...an Activist

2012-01-12T22:50:00.000-06:00

The latest page in my "I Am" journal was inspired by a postcard I recently received, thanking me for a donation I made to one of our state's political parties. As a Wisconsin resident and public-sector employee, 2011 was a very difficult, discouraging year for me and my family. Basically, when our new governor took office, he unveiled a previously hidden budget agenda that assigned all of the blame for the state's debt on state and public workers and their unions, and argued that the only way to cut costs was to eliminate collective bargaining rights for these employees.

Last February, my sister (a social worker), my mom (also a public school teacher), and I joined tens of thousands of Wisconsin residents at the Capitol in Madison to protest the governor's proposal; these protests ranked among the largest ever occurring in any state capital, and were covered extensively on national television for several weeks. Marching shoulder-to-shoulder with other professionals from various parts of the state (as well as supporters from neighboring Illinois) and exercising my rights of free speech and assembly, I felt an enormous sense of power and purpose. Although the governor was eventually able to push his proposal through the state senate and assembly, the protesters raised such awareness of the unfairness of the plan that they were able to launch a signature-gathering campaign to force a recall election; as of this date, the number of residents who have signed recall petitions has far exceeded the minimum needed, and the recall election will most likely occur this spring or summer.

While I've been a card-carrying member of a political party for most of my adult life and have voted in every election since 1996, I don't think I fully realized or appreciated the blessings associated with our American democracy, or understood that being an activist, even on a small scale, can truly make a difference. It was this self-discovery that resulted in the creation of this page.

Have a great week!

"I am...grieving..still"

2012-01-07T20:13:00.000-06:00

Hi ladies! Hope you're all having restful, relaxing weekends!

This latest page in my "I Am" art journal was created during the recent holiday break, in remembrance of my maternal grandparents, both of whom passed away within the last seven years.

Although Christmas is my favorite holiday and I feel blessed to be able to spend it each year with my parents, sister, and cousins, my grief over the loss of my grandparents still feels very raw each time the holidays roll around. My grandparents both loved Christmas, and we spent every Christmas Eve with them at their home, surrounded by all the trappings of the season: family togetherness, traditional food, and beautiful decorations (my grandma, another crafty lady in our family, was known for her gorgeous handmade wreaths, tree ornaments, and gold-leafed ceramic nativity sets). These days, I always feel a bit of emptiness and longing when I think of how it used to be.

The page began as a collage of random patterned papers from my scrap stash, covered with diluted yellow acrylic paint. I added stamped tissue paper over the upper left and lower right corners, and dribbled Adirondack liquid ink in various spots, spreading it with a spritz of water and letting the ink run in various directions. Before adhering one of my favorite photos of my grandparents from the 1940's, I stamped a heart in orange distress ink and created lines to write on by applying white acrylic paint to a piece of corrugated cardboard and pressing it down on the page. I then edged the page with the orange ink and adhered a paper flower.

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to share this page with all of you. It makes me feel better to get some of these feelings off my chest.

"I Am" Second Spread

2012-01-04T21:23:00.003-06:00

Thanks to all of you wonderful ladies who have offered your support in my pledge to exercise my creative muscles more often in 2012, in my studio as well as on this blog! Even though I'm just starting to jump back into my creative routine, there's a part of me that already feels much better!

Here's the second spread I've created in my "I Am" journal. It was created during the holiday break, when I was feeling a bit down. I've been taking daily medication for depression for almost two years, and while most of the time my moods are quite stable, there are some days that seem more challenging for whatever reason.

I started with a blank page, and collaged various squares of patterned paper to it with gel medium. I then cut out some words and phrases from a magazine, and attached them in the same manner. I outlined some of the squares in black pen, and proceeded to smear small dabs of white and light blue acrylic paint over the squares and between squares with a dry washcloth, which created a dreamy, hazy look. The squares were further embellished with small die cuts, Stickles, pigment ink stenciled through punchinella, and navy blue paint stamped with bubble wrap. I also added some handwritten words in certain areas once the paint dried.

This layout surprised me a bit, because I've never created something in this particular style in the past. I really enjoyed rubbing the acrylics and building up the various layers, covering up certain parts and leaving others partially exposed. I think the process of covering and uncovering and recovering is a perfect metaphor for what happens when we deposit our thoughts and feelings on a journal page; a lot of times, we discover something totally different, that we didn't realize was there. At any rate, I felt like I'd truly accomplished catharsis after completing this page...and that's what it's all about, right?

Have a great night!

A New Year & A New Journal!

2012-01-02T20:04:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year, everyone!

I'm usually not a big resolution-maker at this time of year, simply because I tend to break most, if not all, of the promises I make to myself, generally within a few days or weeks following January 1st! However, right now I'm really feeling a need to set some fresh goals for myself, especially when it comes to continuing my journey as an artist. Although 2011 began with the creation of a lot of new art and further refinement of skills and techniques, my development as an artist effectively came to a stop this past August after I was hired as a full-time English teacher in our local school district; overnight, it seemed as though my life became ten times busier than it had been during the previous twelve months when I'd been working only part-time. Suddenly my free time was filled with lesson planning, essay grading, and meetings before and after school--and that left little time for anything else. Throw in the stresses of working with a challenging group of inner-city teens, and many days I lacked the energy to do anything but vegetate in front of the TV after work. Weeks would go by without as much of a glance at my studio, and as a result, I didn't feel I had much to share on my blog. Though I know I've been so blessed to reenter my career field (especially in the midst of these difficult economic times), I just haven't felt completely like myself--or completely satisfied and fulfilled--without the regular infusion of creativity and art in my life.

So...my one of my goals for 2011 is to push myself to create art on a more frequent basis during the second half of the school year and beyond. In reading the most recent issues of Pages and Art Journaling magazines, I realized it's been over seven months (!) since I completed a page in any of my journals--and I've decided that journaling would provide the perfect opportunity for me to focus not only on my art but also on myself, as I negotiate the changes associated with my new job and its joys and stresses. My second goal is to resume a more active blogging life, in terms of posting as well as visiting the blogs of my friends who mean so much to me; sharing and learning from others is another facet of my creative life that I've missed tremendously in the last few months!

My new journal is a handmade one that I ordered online several months ago from the Shoppe at Somerset, and I've already created a few pages over the holiday break. Entitled "I Am," I intend for this book to be a place to reflect on my identity right now, as well as who I've been in the past and who I hope to become in the future.

This page celebrates my life as an athlete, from the moment I started playing competitive tennis at age 12 through high school and college, all the way to today. A few weeks ago, I purchased a membership to a local tennis club in the hopes that it would help me to play more often and get in better physical and mental shape in the New Year. This journal page expresses my desire to reclaim a part of me that has, due to one circumstance or another, been absent or lacking in recent years.

Here's to the New Year, to new goals and new accomplishments, to new art! Hope all of you are off to a great start!

Christmas Card Holders, Continued

2011-12-29T17:59:00.001-06:00

Hope all of you had a happy, healthy Christmas holiday, complete with great food and drink and quality time spent with beloved family members and friends!

Here are the last two gift card holders that I created for family members this holiday season. All of them were given to their recipients on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, and each individual seemed to appreciate the addition of a handmade component to the ordinary gift cards they'd received.

Happy New Year to you all!

Holiday Inspiration

2011-12-20T19:52:00.001-06:00

Here are my two latest mixed-media gift card holders!

The one below features a hand-stitched pocket that opens on the right side, as well as border elements created with fabric, velvet, corrugated cardboard, die-cuts, and rub-ons. I think this one is my favorite so far!

I also enjoyed creating this one, which celebrates the magic of Santa and Christmas for children. Featuring glitter paper, a die-cut border strip, and fun stamps and rub-on embellishments, it captures all the excitement I can remember feeling as a kid on Christmas Eve.

One more day of school, and then it's time for a ten-day break. Can't wait to spend time with family and friends, and eat some delicious holiday treats!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas!

2011-12-17T18:34:00.002-06:00

Happy holidays, friends! I know it's been a long while since my last post, and I apologize for my absence these last few weeks. The Christmas season is upon us, and it goes without saying that our schedule is packed, both at home and at work. Tim and I have been busily collecting our gifts for loved ones, as well as decorating our home (we have 3 trees up this year, believe it or not), and Connor, who started playing alto saxophone and joined the choir this year at Trinity Lutheran School, has been performing on a weekly basis at concerts and church services. At Mitchell Fine Arts, the middle school at which I teach, the kids have been putting on Christmas dramatic presentations as well as musical performances for the chorus, band, and orchestra programs. With only three days of classes 'til the long-awaited holiday break, you can imagine that the kids have been jumping off the walls; with each passing day the excitement and enthusiasm about the holidays only grows. Add in some special seasonal reward activities and classroom parties with plenty of sugary treats and I'm sure you can figure that we teachers will be more than ready to be on vacation 'til the New Year!

Though I've been quite busy the last week grading a gargantuan pile of essays recently turned in by my students, I've been trying to find snatches of time here and there to create some special handmade gift card holders for some of the loved ones and colleagues on my Christmas list.

Though I love purchasing gift cards because I know my recipients love the opportunity to choose their own gift from their favorite store, I really dislike the commercialized look of the cards themselves, not to mention the flimsy cardboard holders they're attached to. In the past, I've just slipped the gift cards into cute store-bought or homemade greeting cards, but this year I wanted to try something different.

This card holders are made of sturdy watercolor paper covered on both sides with thick, kraft-colored cardstock with a ledger-type design. Acrylic paint is dry-brushed over the background, and wiped away with baby wipes to reveal part of the ledger paper; paint is also sponged around the edges of the holder. Designs are stamped over the background with acrylic paint, the entire background is rubbed with walnut stain distress ink, and ink is also rubbed over star-shaped punchinella for added texture.

I found some gorgeous vintagy die cuts from K&Company while shopping at JoAnn's, and I decided to use them as the card pockets. The card pockets are distressed with walnut stain and a Christmas rub-on word (also from K&Company) is added to it. The pockets are then hand-stitched to the card holder with floss.

I punched two holes in the top of the holder and tied a beautiful coordinating piece of sheer ribbon through it, knotting it at each hole, so that the card holder can be hung as a decoration in the future.

Hope you're all having a wonderful holiday season...I will post more of my holders as they are completed!

Montresor's Revenge

2011-11-27T17:43:00.001-06:00

Here's a card that I created in response to the Edgar Allen Poe challenge announced in the September/October issue of Somerset Studio. Entitled "Montresor's Revenge," it was inspired by my favorite Poe short story, The Cask of Amontillado, in which Montresor enacts revenge upon his old nemesis, wine connoisseur Fortunato, by luring him into a wine cellar beneath his mansion to check out a valuable bottle of amontillado. While Fortunato, who already got drunk at that night's Carnival festival, grows even more intoxicated on the wine, Montresor backs him into a dark corner and seals the opening shut with a hastily-built brick wall. Not until just before the last brick is put into place does Fortunato realize his fate, that he will die in the caverns without anyone ever suspecting what happened to him, or who was responsible.

"Montresor's Revenge"

The card was created with black cardstock. The background papers are from Recollections (shiny gray embossed and script) and 7 Gypsies (postcard, old letter); all of the papers were distressed with Black Soot Distress Ink prior to being adhered to the cardstock. The wall was created by first painting over the background with black acrylic paint, cutting irregularly-shaped "bricks" from red patterned paper (Karen Foster Designs) and pages from an antique Italian-language medical text, and adhering them with Mod Podge. I then stencil-brushed Black Soot Distress Ink over mesh to create more texture within sections of the wall. The clown and skull images are compliments of The Graphics Fairy (http://graphicsfairy.blogspot.com/), and the black rhinestones are from Creative Imaginations. The old fashioned jug (Jolee's Boutique) was distressed with black acrylic paint, outfitted with a small cork, and labeled with an antique-style letter sticker. The text containing key words from the story was created with mini alphabet stamps and distress ink.

I'm hoping to submit another card themed around The Raven, but unfortunately I haven't had the chance to get started on it yet. As I believe the deadline for artwork to be received is December 15, I don't have much time to get the ball rolling on that one. Hopefully I'll have some quick bursts of inspiration in the next couple of days!

Thanks for stopping by...and have a wonderful week!:-)

Never Alone

2011-11-20T10:24:00.003-06:00

I've been making more progress in the creation of my "I Hope You Dance" album, documenting my years as an undergrad at UW Oshkosh. Here are the latest pages:

"God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed..."

"I hope you still feel small when you stand behind the ocean..."

"Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens.."

As I turn the pages of this book, it's amazing to see me and all of my friends as we were back then, in our late teens and early 20's, so young and fresh-faced and carefree. While "responsible adulthood" (if such a thing truly exists) has offered many wonderful opportunities, experiences, and relationships, there will always be a part of me that longs to turn back the hands of time and slip back into the comfortable, cushioned life I knew as a student, where I felt emboldened to take risks and spread my wings, while knowing that if I happened to fall, I had the shoulders of my loyal friends to lean on. I might have been an English major and a student in the College of Education and Human Services, but what I learned in the classroom didn't hold a candle to the lessons I learned outside about decision-making, goal-setting, maturity, integrity, friendship, and love while I worked and played, dreamed and schemed, laughed and cried, succeeded and failed.

I remember how terrified I was as a college freshman, leaving home for the first time, homesick and missing my family and all the friends I'd grown up with in the small town in which I'd been raised. For several months, I was convinced I didn't belong at UWO and didn't feel as though I fit in; I spent a lot of time plotting my "escape," which would entail moving back into my parents' home and finishing my degree at a local campus. And then, slowly but surely, as I completed one semester and then another, passed my classes and played competitive tennis, made new friends one by one, and then surprised myself by returning the next year, I had a completely different attitude about this new phase in my life. Looking back from today's vantage point, I know that it was there that I gained true independence, and it was there that I discovered I could be on my own, and survive...though, as this scrapbook proves, I was never alone. I was surrounded by the love of my friends, who were there with me then and continue to be there for me today, despite the fact we're now scattered around the state and across the nation. It's these people who will always be a family to me, and it's with them that I choose to share my life. Taking stock, I know I've been extremely blessed, and thank God every day for placing each of these special people in my life--and keeping them there, through all of life's ups and downs and uncertainties.

What I've realized as I've worked on this project is that this book really isn't about me...it's about them. It's a celebration of these friendships more than it is a record of my own experiences as a kid leaving home for the first time. It's times like these that I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the craft of scrapbooking, because it allows me to not only catalogue the relationships I've had and continue to have with these people, but to articulate and illustrate my feelings about them, in a way that can be shared.

I hope in this season of Thanksgiving that you are surrounded by those you love, and that you are able to share your love with them. Happy turkey day!

Veteran's Day

2011-11-11T11:05:00.000-06:00

This morning, in honor of Veterans Day, some of my colleagues decided it would be a great idea to create a large mural remembering the veterans who have touched the lives of teachers and students at our school. We've all been invited to add the names of veterans we know to the mural during the student lunch periods. Unfortunately, I didn't bring my camera to school today, but was able to snap a quick pic of a section of the mural in which I wrote my grandfather's name, along with other information about his service to our country during World War II, on Photobooth. Thanks to the "flip photo" option, I was able to reverse the image so that it could be read.

My grandfather, Warren Eberhardt, served in the U.S. Army in Europe, participating in both the Normandy Invasion and the Battle of the Bulge. After the war ended, he returned to his hometown of Plymouth, Wisconsin, married his sweetheart, and had a son and daughter (my mom). He and my grandma were married 59 years; it wasn't until my grandmother passed away that he began telling his family about his war experiences, some of which were humorous while others were definitely shocking. Before he died in 2008, my sister transcribed most of his stories, so that they may be preserved for future generations of our family. Shortly after his passing, the Honor Flight movement became very popular across the country; each time I read about it or hear about it on the news, I wish I could turn back time and make that trip to D.C. with him, to see the breathtakingly beautiful World War II monument, created for all of the soldiers who sacrificed so much to literally save the world in its darkest hours.

I also wrote down the name of my dad, Dennis Pekulik, on the mural; he was drafted in the early days of the Vietnam War, and was fortunate to be able to serve out his time here in the States; he's always been a bit troubled by the fact he didn't have to go over there, while so many others did...and didn't come home.

The adorable, patriotically decorated tin used to store pens and markers was created by a member of my team, a wonderfully imaginative science teacher named Kim Wendt. I loved it so much I had to make it part of my picture!

Have a wonderful day...and be sure to thank a veteran!

The Walk Continues...

2011-11-08T21:16:00.000-06:00

Here are the latest layouts created as part of my "I Hope You Dance" album, celebrating my college years and the wonderful, lifelong friends I'd made along the way:

"...get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger..."

"...may you never take one single breath for granted..."

I've been posting each of the completed layouts on my Facebook page, making sure to tag each of the photos so the featured individuals are able to see them on their own pages. Some of these people have shared their appreciation by "liking" or commenting on the layouts, and it warms my heart to know that I enabled them to relive those good 'ol days once again.

My friend Tony, who actually liked an old photo of himself so much that he adopted it as his profile pic, gave me a call a few days ago to let me know that he couldn't wait to see the next layout containing his likeness; we also talked at length about how truly awesome those times were, as well as how lucky we were to have been part of such a devoted circle of friends.

Hope you're having a great week!

A Walk Down Memory Lane

2011-10-30T18:27:00.000-05:00

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder..."

Here is the first page of a new 8x8" scrapbook I'm creating with the mountains of photos my friends, tennis teammates, and I took while we were students at University of Wisconsin Oshkosh from 1997-2001 (has it really been that long already??!!). Inspired by a recent visit to my alma mater, I was moved to create a visual record of that dynamic period in my life, in which I took my first steps of independence and started walking the path to becoming the adult that I am now. Featuring the powerful words of a song that was popular in those days, "I Hope You Dance" (written by Sanders/Sillers in 2000; recorded by Lee Ann Womack that same year), I wanted this album to convey our youth, our innocence, our playfulness, our optimism, and most of all, our friendships, which got us through the good times and growing pains.

Although I'm no longer close with some of the people pictured here, there are a precious few (Jenny Roth, Missy Sherman, Sara Wietor, Katie Weyer, Amber Mann, Tony Daharsh, & Nick Mueller) who are still my best friends, even today. In examining these decade-old images, I can't believe how far we've come and how much we've changed since those carefree college days. These individuals all attended my wedding reception this past summer, and it was definitely wonderful to be together with them again; this opportunity to reconnect also inspired me to be thankful to God for placing these special individuals in my life!

I will post the next page as soon as it is ready! Have a great week!

Finally Here!

2011-10-02T18:03:00.001-05:00

It's finally here!

This past week, I finally received the fall 2011 issue of Somerset Memories, which is always a wonderful thing to find in my mailbox...but it's even more awesome this time around because this particular features a major first for me: my first-ever published art, along with an article accompanying it!

You might recall the travel journal I'd created which documented our family trip to Destin, Florida this past Easter; this is the piece that the editorial staff at Stampington had selected. You can check it out on page 107 of the magazine.

Thanks go out to my family, as well as my readers and friends, who've been endlessly supportive of my artistic endeavors, as well as to the lovely people at Stampington, particularly Jana Holstein, who made this process truly amazing!

Now...it's on to the next thing! I'm still holding out hope that I'll be able to set aside some time to continue working on the altered book commemorating the life of my grandmother, though I'm sorry to say my new teaching job has been monopolizing pretty much all of my time these days. The next deadline for Memories is November 15, which means I have a little more than a month to 'git 'er done'!

Will check in again soon!:-)

Tiny Traces of Art

2011-09-15T20:59:00.001-05:00

Well, school has been in session for exactly two weeks...and boy, am I swamped! After teaching and attending meetings all day, staying til at least 5pm to clean up and prep for tomorrow's classes, and spending my evenings planning lessons and chatting with students' parents on the phone, I've been falling into bed at around 10 each night, unconscious within a few brief moments.

Nevertheless, I've been infusing some creativity into the curriculum, even if only in small ways. Tonight I'll share a few photos from a display board I created for my classroom, in honor of the 8th grade English unit on metacognition; this particular piece celebrates Howard Gardner's Multiple Intelligences. Each of the eight intelligences is labeled with a typed placard, and features a mini-collage illustrating the learning strengths and characteristics that would be associated with it. The collages were created with a mixture of patterned papers, clip art, magazine cutouts, stamps, stencils, and stickers.

In the past, creating items like this for my classroom was something I didn't enjoy very much; invariably I'd just want to "git 'r done" as quickly as possible. However, taking the time to add a few little homemade details makes me feel more fulfilled with the process, and I know my students notice the extra touches, because they're always asking, "Did you make that? How did you make that?"  It's neat to be able to answer in the affirmative!

The biggest news lately is that I've signed up to teach an afterschool enrichment course as part of our district's Lighted Schoolhouse program. Called "Crop Club," it's a resurrection of a similar group I'd established and supervised at another middle school in the past, and offers students an opportunity to learn about scrapbooking. I've spent several hours this week developing goals and objectives for the course, as well as taping flyers on the doors of every girls' restroom and above every bubbler in our building, hoping to drum up some interest; a few of my eighth grade students have asked for registration forms, and I'm hoping others will become interested before the date of the first class, which is next week. What's wonderful about Lighted Schoolhouse is that it's a federally-funded program, and I will not only receive compensation for my time as the course's instructor, but will also get $150 to purchase supplies.  This is very nice, considering I had to pay for all of the materials used by my previous club. Due to the fact I'm just starting to get back on my feet financially, it would definitely be a hardship to do everything out-of-pocket as I did before.

Thanks to all for their loyalty and support...you ladies keep me going, and I so appreciate you, your art, and your blog spaces! Can't wait to visit you all again!

Back to School!

2011-09-05T18:23:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone! What a crazy couple of weeks it's been around here! After several days of new teacher orientation, inservices, and meetings at the end of August, I hurried and scurried to get my classroom ready for the first day of school, which was this past Thursday, September 1.

After years of teaching in dark classrooms with dull, drab walls, the sunshiny yellow paint in my new room was a welcome surprise. I was able to buy some fun decor from Hobby Lobby in order to give my workspace a more comfortable, homey feel that would not only appeal to me, but to the kids as well. I was able to find some wonderful posters, frames, inspirational wall art, and removable wall rub-ons (these are awesome!) that allowed me to embellish surfaces without damaging them. Here are some photos of how the room looks so far:

The portal to Room 186, home of Mrs. Petricek's 8th grade English class

My cozy corner, where I'm surrounded by my favorite books, stuffed guinea pigs, and facetious signs (I don't really charge $5 for whining...but with middle school kids, I could definitely get rich if I did!)

"The Keys to Success" bulletin board, created with a variety of fun black-and-white patterned papers, glittery cardstock, and glittery letter stickers, as well as some glittery Christmas ornaments shaped like keys

Removable wall clings dress up the doors of an ordinary wooden cabinet

Removable wall rub-ons with mirror pieces that were included in the package; holding a hot hair dryer over the letters will help them to come off later

Poster and framed dry-erase calendar

I want to thank all of you for your supportive comments and e-mails these last few weeks! I look forward to sharing more of my adventures with you as the year progresses! Right now I'm working on a couple of items for display in my classroom, making sure to incorporate some of my mixed-media art techniques along the way.

Hope you're all having a wonderful back-to-school experience, whether you fill the role of student, parent, grandparent, or teacher! See you all soon!

In God's Hands

2011-08-26T21:58:00.001-05:00

Hello, my friends! I just realized it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post...I'm so sorry about that! It's been an absolutely crazy time around here lately.

A few weeks ago, I was quite surprised to be invited to two job interviews, both for full-time English teaching positions in our local school district. This was definitely unexpected due to the fact that our district (along with every other school system here in Wisconsin, thanks to Governor Walker's new budget) has recently been forced to make some major staffing cuts. With things being what they were, I'd pretty much accepted I wouldn't be hired full-time this school year, and believed I was meant to continue patching together a part-time living as a substitute teacher and retail associate for another year. I basically placed it all in God's hands, praying that He'd only intervene on my behalf when the "right" job came along.

So...I went to the interviews. The first one went well...but I didn't receive a call back. The second one went better...but again, several days passed without word.

I was convinced I hadn't been selected for the job...until, completely by surprise, I received a call one evening at 7pm from an official in HR at the district, offering me a position teaching 8th grade English for this year!

It was indeed a major shock...and it took several days for all of this to sink in. After so many months of hearing nothing but "no" (or nothing at all) when searching for a job, it was a great feeling to finally hear "yes"--but going back to the classroom in a full-time capacity wasn't something I was immediately prepared to do. I had tons of baggage to sift and pick through...and I'm not just referring to the bursting-at-the-seams boxes of books and supplies collecting dust for the last year in our basement! Being unemployed, as too many Americans know all too well these days, drastically impacts one's identity; I know it's certainly done quite a number on my self-esteem and confidence. I've had to clear away the cobwebs that formed around all of those boxes in the cellar, as well as sweep away the nagging self-doubts in my heart.

What I've realized, as I've been readying myself for this new chapter in my career, is that unemployment may have changed me, but it hasn't destroyed me. Wonderful gifts that have found their way into my lives in spite of it have offered peace and redemption and hope. Most of all, my art--and all of you who have showered me with support and love on this blog--have made it possible for me to reach out and grab this opportunity, with an open mind and heart.

Today at new teacher orientation

The next nine months will be different for me, as I will be consumed with the doings of an English teacher: planning lessons, grading essays, contacting parents, making copies, attending events. I will do my best to continue my artistic journey, and more importantly, share it with you, even if my posts in this forum aren't as regular as in the past. The bottom line: art will remain a crucial part of who I am. and no matter what I do for a living, I won't live a life without art in it.

In the days leading up to my first visit to my new place of employment, I heard myself asking God, is this what you want for me? Is this it? I drove past the school, an imposing brick building, and saw on the sign a phrase I'd never noticed before, identifying the school as "a fine arts middle school."

Something in my heart became lighter as I read those words. I thought, this does seem like a good place for me, right here, right now.

God bless you all!

Kid Sisters

2011-08-14T12:03:00.001-05:00

This weekend I've had the opportunity to create another spread in the altered book I'm in the process of creating about the life of my grandmother.

Entitled "Kid Sisters," this spread pays tribute to the close relationship my grandma Loretta had with her two younger sisters, Gladys and Edith. Despite the fact there was a considerable age difference between them (Gladys was eight years younger than Loretta, while Edith was ten years younger), the three of them remained extremely close throughout their lives.

My grandma Loretta was always fiercely protective of her sisters, and demonstrated unwavering loyalty to them, especially during tough times. My mother has often described the ways Loretta supported Gladys when her first husband returned home after serving in the U.S. military in post-World War II Europe, suffering from PTSD and other symptoms of mental illness (it's believed that he participated in the cleaning up of Nazi concentration camps while serving overseas--undoubtedly a horrible task that would be enough to affect anyone's mental health). When it became clear her husband's illness was putting her and her young daughter at serious risk, Gladys decided to seek a divorce, a very rare and scandalous choice for a wife and mother to make in small-town America in the 1950's. Loretta helped her younger sister in numerous ways during this troubled time, providing her with financial and emotional support until she was able to get back on her feet.

The background of this spread was created by spreading a thick layer of light blue acrylic paint over the pages of the book, and then removing large portions of the paint with a paper towel, revealing much of the text underneath. Pink paint was then applied over the blue background with a sponge. Stamps of the numbers 1, 2, and 3 were applied over parts of the background.

The title "Kid Sisters" was created on a stitched piece of heart-shaped canvas; after lightly rubbing pink pigment ink over the canvas, I stamped the heart image over it with dark blue pigment ink and rubbed the blue ink over the frayed edges of the canvas heart.  The title letters, in a silver vintage-style font, were then adhered to the canvas heart with Aleene's Tacky Glue.

Various pictures of the three sisters at different times in their youth were collaged over the background, to demonstrate the ways they all matured and changed as the years passed. One of the photos, a personal favorite of mine, taken when Loretta was about fourteen and the younger girls were 4 and 6 years old, features color-tinting, revealing a light blush of pink over Gladys's and Edith's dresses; this was the inspiration for using pink as an accent color in the background. I cut this photo carefully around the images of the girls in order to emphasize its importance as the image that best relays the love and tenderness my grandma always felt for her "kid sisters." Blue glittery letter stickers identify the little girls on either side of her in this photo.

Rub-on sentiments and clear acetate photo corners and flourishes further embellish the spread.

Thanks for stopping by...I look forward to seeing what all of you are up to in your artistic journey!

Starting Over at Starting Over Studio

2011-08-09T17:26:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone!

As you can see, I've been playing around a little bit with the background design for this blog. For several months now, I've been thinking about changing up the design and color scheme a bit, looking for something pretty, elegant, feminine, interesting, and more neutral, to better enhance the look of the art presented; the only thing that stood in my way was my persistent fear of all things technological! However, thanks to Iktupilli, the brilliant digital designer at the *Cute n Cool* Blog Stuff site (http://blo64rt.blogspot.com/), the only thing that was difficult about changing the background was narrowing down the list of gorgeous template options from which to choose down to just one!

I selected this design because I love the dreamy, beeswax-dripped, collaged look to it, and because I feel it captures the vintage aura I try to infuse into my work.

I also decided to borrow one of Iktipilli's gorgeous banners, as I think the photo of me on the beach in Florida, while good in terms of capturing the sunset, is a bit too dark. The adorable little girls felt just right to me, particularly at this time in my life, when I'm in the beginning stages of my journey as an artist. Though I'll be turning 33 in about a month, I strive to approach my artistic life with the innocent joy and enthusiasm of a child just discovering the wellspring of creativity flowing deep inside of her.

Hope you're all having a great day! See you soon!

Bridesmaid Bookmarks

2011-08-03T22:02:00.002-05:00

Hi, everyone! I'm finally back on the blog, after the whirlwind of activity and fun we experienced during our marriage celebration this weekend. My immensely talented friend and photographer Melissa took some marvelous, artful pics of the evening, and I hope to post some of them here for you very soon!

A great big thanks goes out to all of you who have left wedding well-wishes in the days leading up to our reception! Knowing so many of my blogging buddies were sending good vibes made our special day even more special for me!:-)

Things were pretty chaotic in the weeks prior to the big day, so unfortunately a lot of preparation had to be put off until the last minute. Although I'd finished the bauble boxes several weeks before our event, I'd never gotten the chance to create the bookmarks I'd wanted to present to each of my seven bridesmaids and our junior bridesmaid, as well as Melissa and my cousin Jenny, who sang at our reception. So...the night before, I finally had some free time to devote to creating these bookmarks, which measured approximately 7 1/2 by 2 1/2" and featured special, heartfelt sentiments that had been posted about each of them on the wedding website my husband and I had established when we got engaged in 2009.

Bookmarks for bridesmaids Carrie (Tim's sister), Sharon (my lifelong best friend), Jenny (my college roommate), and Missy (another close friend from college)

Each bookmark was created on kraft cardstock, and contained the first letter of the bridesmaid's name stenciled with gold metallic acrylic paint. A variety of patterned papers and my own hand-painted papers were collaged to each bookmark with gel medium, and various kinds of stamps were used with walnut stain over the papers. The sentiments, which were computer-generated and printed on kraft cardstock, were inked and adhered over the collaged papers. Various trims, bits of ribbon, dresden, and paper flowers were also added, and each bookmark was tied at the top with coordinating lengths of ribbon.

Close-up of Missy's bookmark

Sentiment on bridesmaid Jenny's bookmark

On Melissa's and my cousin Jenny's bookmarks, I created a mini-pocket on the reverse side of the tag in which I tucked a check written out to them in appreciation for their services on our special day.

Hope you're having a wonderful week! See you soon!

Enduring Faith

2011-07-29T11:56:00.005-05:00

Here's the most recent page from the altered book I'm creating in honor of my grandmother, Loretta (Matzdorf) Eberhardt. Featuring a photo of her at age 13 on the date of her confirmation in 1935, the page serves as a reminder of her enduring faith in Jesus Christ and the ways in which it guided her throughout her life.

My grandma Loretta was a devout Christian, and a lifelong member of St. John Lutheran Church in her hometown of Plymouth, Wisconsin. In her obituary, the Bible verse that had been selected for her by her pastor sixty years earlier at her confirmation, Isaiah 54:10, was printed, and served as the inspiration for the message delivered by the officiant at the funeral service: "'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing for you will not be shaken nor My covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you.'"

My grandma firmly believed that God would always provide for us, and that ultimately, His will would be done and that whatever ups and downs we faced in our lives would be for the best. There were definitely moments in her life in which I'm sure she was overcome with worry and fear; surely one of the most difficult times was during World War II, when she had to deal with the fact that her fiancee, my grandfather, was sent into combat against the Nazis. I'm certain that at this juncture of darkness and doubt she remembered the verse Pastor Schmidt had chosen especially for her, and found comfort in knowing that the Lord would not abandon her, or her sweetheart as he fought for his country.

The background was created by painting navy blue acrylic thickly over the book page, and then removing some of the paint with a paper towel to reveal some of the text underneath. A torn, unravelling strip of dark blue fabric and a coordinating vintage-style piece of twill were layered together across the bottom portion of the page, along with a piece of cheesecloth which had been sprayed with walnut ink; punchinella was used as a stencil with white paint in the upper right corner. The photo was enlarged and mounted on a piece of shiny silver cardstock and adhered to the page; the phrases of the Bible verse were cut into strips and adhered over it. The word "faith" was created using vintagy silver sticker letters, and the cross sticker (from Jolee's) was layered over an acetate die cut and glued in the lower right corner of the photo. A piece of dresden trim layered over the left border of the photo finishes off the page.

Thanks for stopping by...and have a great weekend!

Her Many Friends

2011-07-26T21:39:00.001-05:00

Hi, everyone! Hope you are all enjoying the week! It's been quite chaotic on this end, as we count down the last days to our long-awaited marriage celebration this Sunday! Today I finally finished the place cards, which I created at home using pre-designed cards I purchased at the arts/crafts store where I work, as well as an accompanying free online template. While I'd originally planned to create all 137 cards from scratch in the same manner as I created my invites, I decided to "give myself a break" this time around and buy them; unfortunately, it wouldn't be long before I realized I'd made a big mistake! Turns out my two-in-one copier/printer really struggles with items that need to be printed on very small paper; despite following all of the directions for prepping the machine to receive these 4x4" cards, they continuously got jammed deep inside the printer, while others emerged with bent or torn edges and/or crooked printing. Needless to say, I had to go back to the store a couple of times for reinforcements...but today I finally finished, and I can't tell you how glad I am to know I'll likely never have to do that job again!

In between working at the store and working on the last of the details for the reception, I've been making progress with my altered book. The page featured here celebrates the love and loyalty my grandma Loretta showered upon her many friends. Most kids of her generation that grew up in small-town Plymouth, Wisconsin (with the exception of the many young men who'd later fight overseas in World War II) never left home their entire lives, and forged bonds with their friends and neighbors that lasted a lifetime. Several girls Loretta played with as a child continued to be close friends all the way through high school and into adulthood. The little blond girl, Helen, who's pictured holding hands with Loretta at the top of the page, was one such friend she held onto throughout her life. Another longtime friend, Mae, who turned 90 this year, spoke to my grandma on the phone every single day for decades; what's ironic is that Mae had briefly dated my grandpa Warren in high school, before he became romantically involved with my grandma! Now that's what you call friendship! (Mae continues to be a loyal friend to my mother and me, and was on the guest list for our reception!) Loretta also made strong connections with other women as an employee at a local factory during the war, a Welcome Wagon hostess, a leader of the Ladies' Auxiliary for Plymouth's VFW post, and a patron of the community's senior center.

I created the background for this page by painting over the book page with undiluted blue acrylic paint; in some areas, I lifted the paint with a paper towel to reveal the printing beneath. I stamped text in yellow acrylic over the right side of the page, and adhered torn, frayed, paint-spattered strips of patterned fabric over the left portion of the page with gel medium; a strip of frayed vintage-style yellow lace covers the seam between the two fabric strips. I enlarged the photo of my grandma and Helen and cut around the shape of the two girls, placing yellow rub-on butterfly wings beneath the girls' shoulders before adhering the cutout to the page. Metal letter stickers overlapping the cutout spell out the word "friend," and a caption copied from the original photo, "Loretta + Helen," is adhered beneath it, as well as the phrase "her many friends," which I took from my grandma's funeral obituary. The bottom picture features Loretta as a young teenager playing dress-up with her friend Ruth, and a rub-on sentiment and flourish with pearls embellish this photo.

Have a wonderful week!

Growing up with Grandma

2011-07-18T23:02:00.000-05:00

Here's the latest set of pages in the altered book I'm creating about the life of my maternal grandmother, Loretta Eberhardt. The pictures featured in this spread were taken throughout her early childhood in the 1920's in small-town Plymouth, Wisconsin. With her chubby cheeks and mop of curls, she reminds me of a dark-haired Shirley Temple.

My grandma Loretta, whom I called "Maema" from the moment I learned to talk, always possessed a childlike enthusiasm for life, and loved more than anything to have fun. Her greatest joys in life were being a mom to her daughter and son and a grandma to my sister and me, her only grandkids; she also had a special bond with her baby sisters, Gladys, eight years her junior, and Edith, ten years younger; she was always there for them their entire lives. Perhaps this is why I've been drawn to include so many photos of her playing with her beloved dolls...I think it's obvious she felt compelled to be a nurturer and a caretaker from a very early age, which is what she was for me and all the others she loved.

Left page

Right page

I created the background for this spread by brushing light blue watercolor paint over both pages; I wanted to preserve the visibility of the text underneath, which features a section of Little Women in which the March sisters create their own newspaper, complete with columns and whimsical stories of people and animals in their neighborhood--perfect for a spread about a fun-loving, imaginative little girl. I used a Tim Holtz mask to create the flourishes with green acrylic paint in the upper left corner of the first page and the lower right corner of the second page.  The photos are embellished with acetate overlays from K & Company, as well as rub-on words, vintage-style ephemera and trims, glittery letters, and a glittery blue flower punctuated with a vintage-style brad.

The newspaper clipping on the first page appeared in the Sheboygan Press on December 11, 2002, as part of a daily feature called "Do You Remember?"  A tiny blurb appearing on the comics page, this column reminisced about local news stories from the past. On this date, a sampling of letters to Santa Claus written by children in 1927 was reprinted, and much to my grandma's surprise, a letter she wrote to Santa that year at age 6 was included! It's amazing to me to read her letter and those of the other children at that time, and to see how brief and simple their Christmas lists were, especially when compared to today's kids. There are definitely times when I long for the simple life people lived back then, long before our society was overrun with the trappings of materialism and technology.

Hope you're having a wonderful beginning to your week! Thanks again to all of you who have offered comments on this and other projects I've been working on lately!

Bridesmaid Bauble Boxes

2011-07-12T13:52:00.000-05:00

Hi, friends! Tim and I are counting down the days until our marriage celebration at the end of this month, and of course we're busy making our last-minute preparations, trying to ensure that the event goes off without a hitch.  Yesterday I spent a few hours creating some easy and yet elegant bauble boxes in which to present my heartfelt gifts of jewelry to my seven bridesmaids and junior bridesmaid on the big day.

I purchased eight small, unfinished chipboard boxes at the arts/crafts store where I work; these boxes came in circular, square, and heart shapes, and were unique in that they featured embossed designs on each side, which I thought added an air of sophistication. I started by painting the side, bottom, and lid of each box with Deco Art's Elegant Finish Metallic Paint in the champagne gold shade; this truly glammed up the boxes and made them look as though they were vintage tin containers.

After the paint dried, I glued a large strip of brown and copper autumn ribbon on each lid and added paper flowers of different sizes, which were then embellished with coordinating adhesive beads. I created the name tags by stamping on beige cardstock, rubbing walnut distress ink across the tags and along the edges, and adhering.  A few layers of folded glittery brown tulle were placed in each box, serving as a resting spot for the necklaces and earrings, which I'd purchased to match with the truffle gowns the girls will be wearing.

Here are some pics of the bridesmaid bauble boxes:

Pretty boxes, all in a row

A close-up

A nest for a necklace...and earrings to match!

I'm also considering the idea of creating some special tags for each of the girls, containing tributes I'd posted a few years ago on a wedding website Tim and I had established. The tags would contain the same colors and design as the boxes, and would be a bit more homespun and personalized than store-bought thank-you cards. I will post these as they are completed.

Hope you are all having a wonderful week!

Love and Life Lessons

2011-07-09T12:01:00.001-05:00

Here's the second set of pages I've completed in the altered book I'm creating in honor of my grandmother Loretta. The photos seen here were taken when she was a toddler in the early 1920's, and feature her alongside her father and mother, Otto and Viola (Nieman) Matzdorf. Although at the time it was probably too expensive for them to take or develop many snapshots, the few from this period that were pasted into my grandma's childhood photo album are of good quality, and feature some interesting poses that are really quite charming, even today. The pic of Viola standing on a ladder, holding her baby steady as she stood on one of the branches of a flowering tree, and that of the baby standing on the step rail of a vintage automobile, her dapper daddy looking on, are quite well-composed, in my opinion, and really paint a vivid picture of each of their personalities and relationships with each other.

Viola Matzdorf passed away in 1978, just one month after I was born; she was my only surviving great- grandparent. Confined to a nursing home after suffering a stroke, I've been told that she did, at times, understand she had a great-granddaughter, and seemed happy when my parents brought me to visit her. Through research I've conducted on Ancestry.com, as well as through family stories, I've learned a lot about her life, which was, at many turns, tragic. When Viola was a very young child living in Milwaukee, her father was killed in a train accident; when she was a teenager, her mother passed away due to illness. Orphaned, she and her older brother Walter were taken in by their older sister and her husband in Sheboygan. During World War I, Walter was drafted into the U.S. Army, but died in the great influenza epidemic of 1918 before being sent into combat. Later, as a young wife and mother, Viola buried an infant daughter, Helen, my grandmother's sister. It's amazing to me that she was able to persevere and continue living her life after all of these devastating losses. My mom, who perceived Viola to be more difficult to get close to than her other grandmother, is starting to realize how Viola's life experiences may have made her this way, and now remembers her with more empathy.

The background of this set of pages was created by first collaging vintage German book pages and a vintage-style letter flashcard over the pages of Little Women, symbolizing the fact Loretta spoke only German at home until she entered school, and then painting over it all with a mixture of acrylic gel medium, water, and green acrylic paint. Scraps of patterned paper from Stampington & Company, upon which I stenciled letters of the alphabet in blue pigment ink, were collaged in the upper left and lower right corners of the spread, and punchinella was used as a stencil over the entire background. The photos were covered with blue flourish rub-ons and adhesive rhinestones as well as blue glitter letter stickers. A passage from my grandma's funeral obituary was cut into strips and adhered with gel medium onto the left side of the page.

Thanks to all of you who have left such wonderful comments on these first pages...they have boosted my confidence and convinced me this was the perfect project for me to do at this time, for many reasons! I look forward to finishing the next spread and sharing it with you! Have a great weekend!

Altered Book Beginnings

2011-07-07T22:43:00.002-05:00

This week I've finally taken the plunge into my first altered book; I didn't have to work at the store during the extended holiday weekend, so I felt free to enter my studio and experiment a bit with this art form, with which I've had very little previous experience.

My altered book will honor the life of my maternal grandmother, Loretta (Matzdorf) Eberhardt, who was born in 1921 and died at age 83 in 2005. I'm fortunate enough to own an actual vintage hardcover copy of Little Women that she'd received as a gift when she was a teenager in 1935, and decided to use this book as the platform upon which to artfully portray her life story using photos, documents, and ephemera.

The demon I've most had to battle in undertaking this newest project is my perfectionism; it's been rearing it's ugly head occasionally as I've muddled through some of the messier aspects of creating the book, namely the gluing of individual pages together to create thick, gesso-and-paint-friendly surfaces. Due to the advanced age of the paper in this book, I wasn't able to get very far in this endeavor with my trusted Tombo tape runner, and finally had to resort to the dreaded glue stick, which I tend to avoid whenever I can due to its ooey-gooey, bubbly-troubly nature. Thankfully, I was able to find a Scotch "wrinkle-free" stick at a craft store, and this worked better than expected. In addition, I've been fighting with the book's binding; gravity keeps pulling groups of adhered pages apart in certain places, and I feel like all I'm doing is reinforcing them with gel medium and large clips. I'm hoping that the cloth binding, which has endured decades of standing upright on a shelf, is capable of handling the unusual stress I'll be putting this book through!

The page pictured here, the cover page, is the first I've completed, featuring a photo of my grandmother as an infant. I matted it on a piece of ornate embossed paper reminiscent of the tinny sparkle and glitz often seen in fashion and home decor in the Roaring Twenties, and used silver sticker letters in a classic vintage font to spell out name and year. A glittery, flower-shaped die cut, scraps of pink lace ribbon, and a silk flower with a vintage-style rhinestone brad are layered together to embellish the photo. The background was created by collaging vintage-style ephemera to the page, followed by a wash of baby blue acrylic paint and daubs of dark blue alcohol ink wiped over with textured paper towel; an ink-blotted, lacy paper heart was adhered over the background to add a little bit of extra antique charm.

I will have the next set of pages ready to post, hopefully tomorrow! Wish me luck!

A Time for Thanksgiving

2011-07-04T12:38:00.000-05:00

"They all come to look for America..." -Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel

In this time of economic recession and deep-seated hostility between political parties, it's easy to forget how lucky we are to be Americans. Generations ago, our ancestors left their homelands to emigrate to this country, seeking freedom and a better life. On this 4^th of July, I’m grateful to my forebears who emigrated from Germany and Poland, like my great-great-great grandfather, Henry Juers, Sr. (pictured here with his great-granddaughter, Judith Oberreich Mahlich, in the 1930’s). In the midst of the hoopla surrounding this holiday, I hope we’ll all take a moment to think about the gift our ancestors gave to us in coming here.

Have a wonderful, family- and friend-filled Independence Day!

Busy Busy Busy!

2011-06-29T22:19:00.000-05:00

Hi there, everyone! I'm so sorry it's been exactly a week since my last post! Things have been pretty hectic on this end; I'm currently working as a substitute teacher in our local school district's summer school program, and have also taken on extra hours at the store lately to fill in for coworkers who are on vacation. Add to that all of the last-minute details for our July 31 marriage celebration/reception, and there hasn't been much time for art or blogging, unfortunately...or anything else!

In the evenings after work I've tried to check out all of your blogs, which, as always, have been extremely inspiring, and on my breaks during the day I've been digesting the latest issues of Somerset Studio and the Gallery, which leads me to some shocking, wonderful news I received a short time ago: my tropical travel journal, which I'd completed during our Spring Break trip to Florida back in April and submitted to Somerset Memories, has been accepted, and will appear along with an article I've written in the fall issue, out October 1! It will be my first time my art will appear in print, and it still doesn't seem 100% real! I wish to thank all of you for your encouragement and support, because if not for your kind words posted to this blog, I know I wouldn't have had the confidence to take the plunge and send it to Stampington!

On a related note, I just submitted an essay in response to ClothPaperScissors' call for writings for their new column, "Follow Your Art!", which will appear on the last page of the magazine beginning in 2012. It was a difficult piece for me to write, as it described in blunt detail my odyssey of unemployment and underemployment in the last year--but in many ways it also served as a celebration, because it tracked the ways in which learning about and creating art has enabled me to vent, pursue new avenues of opportunity, and cultivate new friendships, as I have right here at Starting Over Studio. Along with the essay, I submitted some of the journal pages I've posted here describing my struggles of the past year, and even though it's scary to release things as personal as that into the world for all to see, it makes me feel remarkably free.

So...what's the next project on the agenda? Well, I've been thinking about creating an altered book commemorating the life of my grandma, Loretta Eberhardt, for several months, and I recently decided it was time to get started! For a while now I've been rummaging through her old photo albums, scanning images I want to include in the book, and sorting them into topical and chronological categories; I've also been collecting letters and cards she sent to me over the years and making copies of her personal items such as her high school diploma, transcripts, and letters from chums in her high school yearbooks, which I think could be used to create interesting collaged backgrounds.

The book I plan to alter is this copy of Louisa May Alcott's Little Women, which a friend had given to my grandma back in 1935 when she was about 14. It isn't in the best shape, but it's been sitting on my bookshelf since I was a teenager, and I think it deserves more than to merely collect dust.

I didn't get as far as I would've liked this week, but I managed to prep the covers with gesso, and glue together the first signature of pages

After work at the store one evening, I did stick around a while longer to purchase this mountain of new art and papercrafting supplies I plan to use in the book...what fun!

The best part of starting a new project!

I'm off this weekend, and hope to make some real progress on this altered book...will post some pics when I have something more substantial to share!

Have a great weekend...enjoy the 4th!

The Next Chapter

2011-06-22T20:35:00.000-05:00

Here are the latest pages I've created in my Boundary Waters memory book. These contain pics from our trip in 2008, when Tim and I camped with Tim and Kristin, a couple we know quite well that also enjoys roughin' it in the BWCA. During this trip we took a lot of tandem fishing trips, ate gooey "pudgie-pies" at our nightly campfires, and threw back a lot of beer and Mike's Hard Lemonade in between; it was also nice to have another girl with whom to chat, since all our boyfriends wanted to talk about were their epic fish tales!

Growing a bit bored with the earthy beiges, browns, and greens used up to this point in the album, I chose to spice things up a bit in this segment by brushing red paint as an accent color across the pages; I was afraid it wouldn't look good, but was actually pleasantly surprised with how well it worked with the background papers and the colors in the photos.

Cover page; this postcard of a flaming sky over the lake at dusk was the inspiration for including pops of red on these pages; the accompanying tag is adorned with red ribbon and red fibers

This page celebrates the fun we had with our friends Tim and Kristin on this trip, whether it was in canoes on the lake or while visiting our favorite tourist destinations on the beautiful northeastern shore of Lake Superior. Although I'm not a huge consumer of stickers, the Jolee's lighthouse featuring a seagull was a pretty close match to those you might see along the Great Lakes

Though the mosquitoes and biting flies were the worst they'd been in several years (and I spent most of the week covered in this netted hood), this made the fishing better than average! A Jolee's 3-D canoe-and-paddle sticker set I'd picked up years ago was a perfect complement to this page, as was the background paper which was taken from a letter Tim had received from the proprietor of the local canoe outfitter

Our great experiences at Lutsen Mountains in the past drew us back again this year, where we relished the cool, fresh air high above the Superior National Forest. I love stamping my journaling spots with white paint and adding bits of narration with my favorite Galaxy Marker from American Crafts

I have just one more series of pages to complete, and then I will be caught up with this album...definitely a good feeling, since I have piles of books that lie in various stages of completion here in my studio!

Have a great remainder of the week...see you soon!

More BWCA Pages

2011-06-19T22:18:00.002-05:00

Thanks to all of you who posted such positive comments about my first batch of camping pages...here are a few from our 2007 trip to the Boundary Waters:

Cover page, featuring a lilypad postcard

This page features our campsite pet, a tame chipmunk that we christened "Chippy," to whom we hand-fed peanuts several times per day (it didn't take him long to figure out we were softies!)

A good-sized fish I caught, that we fried up and ate for supper

When designing this layout, I'd run out of dark-colored, rustic camping papers and panicked a bit--until I realized one of Tim's maps of the Boundary Waters would make an excellent backdrop for these great photos!

The photos on this page, as well as the previous page, were taken at Lutsen Mountains, a breathtakingly scenic attraction in northeastern Minnesota. Although horseback riding has since been discontinued, a ride on the gondolas from one steep hilltop to another is one of the most exciting parts of any BWCA trip, and on a clear day you can see miles up and down the Lake Superior coastline

We rounded out our 2007 trip with another sojourn in Grand Marais; this photo mounted on cork was taken in front of the picturesque village harbor.

Enjoy your week!

Check out The Kathryn Wheel!

2011-06-19T21:15:00.002-05:00

Kate Crane, the artist behind one of my favorite blogs, "The Kathryn Wheel," is hosting an awesome giveaway in which one of her readers can win copies of her latest DVDs on art journaling!

Follow the link below to check out her lovely artwork, as well as to find out how you can become eligible to win her DVDs!

http://thekathrynwheel.blogspot.com/

A Burst of Activity

2011-06-15T23:57:00.002-05:00

This week, Tim and Connor are tent-camping in the Boundary Waters of northeastern Minnesota, and for the second year in a row, I was unable to travel with them due to my need to be close to the trappings of civilization; still in the midst of the search for a full-time job, it's necessary for me to be close to my phone and computer in case someone tries contacting me to schedule an interview (which I must admit is pretty ridiculous, considering that in all of the weeks in the last year that I could've gone on vacation with my family, not one employer has called me for an interview during those times!). Unfortunately, there is no cell phone or Internet access in the Lake Superior National Forest where Tim camps, so it's not a place someone can be if they need to be able to use these items. This summer, I also have a part-time job at a local arts/crafts retailer, so that was another reason I had to remain at home this week.

I actually don't mind being on my own for a short period of time. Before Tim and I were married, I'd lived alone for six years and got very accustomed to it, and even enjoyed the freedoms it provided at times, such as getting up whenever I wanted, staying up late, or doing whatever else I felt like doing whenever I felt like doing it, like watching "Frasier" reruns all day, talking baby-talk to my guinea pigs Lucy and Kirby, or singing along to music with a turkey baster faux microphone. Those of you who are also married or living with someone know this is not always possible!:-)

For whatever reason, whenever Tim goes on his camping trips, I become super-motivated to do something I almost never feel like doing at any other time of the year, and that's to take out some of my in-progress, left-hanging projects and embark upon a marathon to finish them. Most of these are memory books that need updating like this one, which ironically chronicles the camping trips Tim and I took to the BWCA together in the past. I thought I'd share some pages I created not too long ago from this album, so you can see what I've been up to.

In this album, I really wanted to mix up the media and experiment with some different ideas. I used a lot of outdoorsy-themed papers as well as pieces of memorabilia collected from our trips; on several pages, actual outfitters' price guides, postcards, lake maps, camping permits, and other documents are crumpled, distressed, and adhered as design elements or page backgrounds. There's a lot of paint brushed across the pages, as well as ink stampings (the first pages in the book were done at a time when I was first discovering the joys of paint and stamping, and was probably going a bit overboard with it, but that's because I loved it so much!). I wrote a lot of the journaling on rustic penmanship paper and coffee-dyed tags, and used masculine ribbon and earthy fibers to dress up the tags. One of my favorite supplies to use in this book has been mesh; I found it at a scrapbooking store, and knew it would mimic perfectly the nets my husband uses to bring fish we've caught into the canoe. Vacation-themed rub-ons from Making Memories also appear on most of the pages.

This first set of pages features photos and memorabilia from our first camping trip as a couple, back in July 2006. Enjoy!

A close-up on the album's cover; the photo of the loon is actually from a postcard; the melancholy call of a loon in the night is one of my favorite things about camping in the BWCA

Title page, featuring another interesting postcard and coffee-dyed tags trimmed with rugged ribbon and fibers

This page showcases a photo of a perfect sunset over the lake, as well as my first official camping permit!

A guidebook, business card, and sticker compliments of the outfitters, as well as a postcard Tim wrote to me from a camping trip he'd taken in the past fill this page

A distressed lake map layered beneath mesh serves as the background to this page, and features a penmanship-paper journaling space, a photo of Tim and me standing in front of the outfitter's store, and a patch Tim had saved from a trip with his parents decades ago

Our BWCA entrance permit graces the bottom of the page, as well as some pics Tim took of me at Sawbill Lake

This page illustrates the Cavity Lake forest fire, which was burning during our trip; although the fire zone was over 75 miles away from where we were camping, we could see the smoke clearly on the horizon--and it triggered my asthma, which made things pretty uncomfortable for me at times on this trip. The two pictures of the smoke at lower right are mounted on cork paper, which adds a rugged feel to the page

Although I don't usually use a lot of stickers in my memory books, I did add some very realistic looking 3-D stickers in this book; the fish and pole which are adhered over my Minnesota fishing license are from Jolee's (and by the way, I actually caught that fish I'm carrying; I think it's a smallmouth bass!)

Nightly campfires are one of the best things about wilderness camping; this page features a poem that truly embodies this cozy, life-affirming experience

I will post some of the more recent pages in the coming days! Have a wonderful evening!

Vlog #2: Easy, Elegant, and Inexpensive Wedding Invitations

2011-06-10T14:25:00.001-05:00

Here's my second video blog post...with tips and tricks to assist you in saving time and money creating invites for your wedding or other special event.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Musings on the Zoo

2011-06-07T19:41:00.009-05:00

On Sunday, my sister Krissy took Connor and me to the Milwaukee County Zoo for an afternoon of fun, sun, and of course, close encounters with animals from all over the world.

Krissy works as a social worker at one of the area's local hospitals, and each spring the hospital invites all employees and their families to spend a day at the zoo at a discounted rate; everyone's provided with a delicious free meal and snack, as well as the opportunity to remain in the zoo up to three-and-a-half hours past its usual closing time of 5pm, which is wonderful because by this time the general public has gone home, the exhibits are much less crowded, and the animals are much more active as well as interactive with visitors!

I brought my camera along on our safari, and had a blast snapping photos of our favorite animals! I experimented a bit with different compositions, as well as the zoom function, which came in handy when a particular creature was hiding in the rear of its enclosure; I also found it necessary to edit certain photos that were taken indoors or behind glass partitions, to eliminate flashbulb glare. Unfortunately, some of the animals were actually moving around so much that it was impossible to get a good, clear image of them on film...but they were so entertaining that I can't say I was that upset; as a huge lover of animals and zoos, this is exactly the kind of "problem" I wish I could have every time I visited!

Here are some of my favorite shots...enjoy!

The highlight of any day at the Milwaukee County Zoo is the seal
and sea lion show; here a sea lion balances a ball on its snout

A giraffe reaching for the snack

A sleepy iguana sunning itself on a log

Would you believe this is a shot of a turtle lying
on top of an alligator?

An adorable little monkey hiding in the branches of a tree

A grizzly bear lounges in his hammock

Close-up on a camel; to me, they always appear
as though they're smiling

Connor & Krissy posing with the giraffes

We spent the most time watching the hippos, as they're Connor's favorite animals; he recently wrote a charming story about a lonely boy hippo named Hip, who met and fell in love with a girl hippo named Hippy!

A cheetah checking out the action in the next enclosure, where a Bengal tiger was trying to paw and lick the hands of some kids on the other side of the glass partition (that was one picture I really wish I would've captured!)

Krissy with Ruth the Elephant; While Ruth was grasping on high for a snack, some water from her trunk unexpectedly dribbled on Krissy's shoulders!

A silver-back lowland gorilla; I'm always amazed at how
humanlike our gorilla, chimp, and orangutan
relatives are!

Hope all of you have a chance to visit your local zoo sometime this summer...have a great week!

Journal Fodder Junkies Weekly Challenge: "Embracing Imperfections"

2011-06-02T13:11:00.000-05:00

This very thought-provoking challenge for art journalers is posted on a weekly basis by Eric Scott and David Modler, the authors of The Journal Junkies Workshop, one of the most inspiring resources on the topic. The prompt for this week is "Embracing Imperfections." We were challenged to create a page exploring how we deal with accidents, change, and imperfection in our lives.

"Living with Dyscalculia" (sorry it appears backwards here; today I had to use iPhoto!)

As a child, learning was generally easy for me. I began reading at age 4, and was writing "novels" by 2nd grade. I was placed into what was known as the "high" reading group throughout elementary school, and was known for my photographic memory when it came to spelling as well as my effortless grasp of English grammar. I was selected for inclusion in my school's gifted-and-talented program, and was a highly-ranked honor-roll student throughout middle and high school. I went on to college, earned a 3.97 GPA and a Bachelor's degree in English and history, and went on to obtain a Master's degree a few years later.

From the outside, it may appear as though academics came easily to me. However, nothing could be further from the truth when it came to mathematics. I started to notice that my brain was different as early as 2nd grade; for some reason, I had the hardest time mastering certain skills, particularly telling time, measurement, and fractions. In the years to come, math continued to be extremely difficult, and as the material became harder, the math processing and memory regions of my brain seemed to work more and more slowly--and sometimes it seemed as if they didn't work at all. In elementary school, I never worked quickly enough to finish a timed test in the allotted span, and couldn't beat my opponent to the correct answer in flashcard games of "Around the World." It took several hours for me to complete my math homework on the average evening, even with the assistance of my dad, who was growing more and more frustrated by my inexplicable lack of understanding and foolish mistakes in basic operations; in the summer, I typically lost so much of my knowledge that my mom, a former teacher, forced me to complete math problems instead of going outside to play. The situation only grew worse in the secondary grades. The vast majority of my math teachers in middle and high school didn't utilize hands-on methods that were most effective for kids like me. By junior year, I suffered from paralyzing math anxiety and hadn't retained any of the concepts from algebra or geometry; if it hadn't been for my Algebra II teacher and her willingness to tutor me after school and allow extra time to complete tests and quizzes, I would've just given up. With her support and encouragement, I was able for the first time in almost a decade to complete my math homework and achieve proficiency on tests on my own...and this independence gave me incredible self-confidence I'd never had up to that point.

The teacher described above was the first that ever suggested that perhaps my brain functioned differently than others', and that I'd need extra help and other modifications in order to successfully acquire math skills in academic settings. A few years later, when I took a course for aspiring teachers on special education, I found out about dyscalculia, a learning disability characterized by delays in the math processing area of the brain. The symptoms described by the professor, which basically amount to the same as those for dyslexia but with numbers and mathematics, seemed to describe me to a tee. Lately, I've been researching dyscalculia online quite a bit, in order to better understand the way my brain works, and it's amazing to read about others' struggles that have so often mirrored mine. Living with dyscalculia can pose obstacles in adulthood, but I've amassed a wide variety of coping strategies that allow me to function normally. Some of these tricks include saying numbers aloud to ensure accuracy, checking my written work at least twice, using basic calculators with large numbers and buttons, carrying a wallet-sized restaurant tip card, and calling an automated bank line that enables me to monitor my accounts from day to day without balancing a checkbook.

Although there have been many occasions during my life in which I wished my brain worked as well as it does in other areas, I have come to accept dyscalculia as part of who I am. The only frustration I have, in looking back, is that I didn't learn about this condition when I was much younger.

Enjoy! And be sure to visit the Journal Fodder Junkies art blog at http://journalfodderjunkies.blogspot.com/ !

Creative Therapy Catalyst #131: Describe or Show Yourself at This Point in Your Life

2011-05-29T11:50:00.000-05:00

The puzzle piece was created on heavy cardstock, and a collage of different red and maroon papers (signifying my favorite color) was created upon it. Maroon acrylic paint was dry-brushed over the surface, and several different stamps, applied with walnut ink, added a layered look. Tim Holtz decorative tapes were placed in certain areas of the piece, symbolizing my love for reading and writing, as well as music. Transparent photo cutouts of my husband, stepson, and I on my wedding day, as well as of my two guinea pigs, Lucy and Kirby, were applied over the layers. An image of a vintage woman, cut from an ephemera sheet, illustrates my interest in creating art with vintage materials. Finally, all of the various titles I hold in my life (i.e., teacher, stepmom, daughter, athlete, etc.) were stamped with a stamp alphabet all over the piece.

Be sure to check out the Creative Therapy site at http://creativetherapy.wordpress.com/!

Well...Here Goes Nothing!

2011-05-25T21:06:00.001-05:00

Well...here it is! At long last, it worked!

Thanks go out to Samie-Kira and Wendy; I wouldn't have tried this if not for their encouragement!

Enjoy (I hope so, anyhow)!

The Best-Laid Plans

2011-05-25T14:21:00.001-05:00

Hi, everyone! I was hoping to be able to post my first-ever video post this morning...but of course, my typical ineptitude when it comes to technology got in the way :-(

Sometimes (OK, most of the time) technology makes me want to SCREAM!

Believe it or not, things were initially going more smoothly than expected. Last night, I was able to record a six-minute video clip with my digital camera. It took a lot longer than I predicted it would, mostly because I kept stopping and erasing the recording if I didn't like how I looked, got tongue-tied, or forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence (I gotta hand it to those of you who create vlogs on a regular basis...being in front of a camera is much more difficult than it appears!) Once the video was finished, I uploaded it to Windows Media Player, and was thrilled to see that when I pressed the "play" button, it actually played! Unfortunately, when I tried to embed the clip into a blog post, I wasn't able to upload it on to Blogger. Blaming it on the advanced age and slowness of my laptop, I tried to do the same thing on my much newer, borrowed MacBook Pro, but alas, it was the same story as before; the video clip could be uploaded and viewed in iMovie, but stubbornly refused to be embedded into a blog post.

After playing around for awhile on the Mac, I figured out that iMovie has a camera function, which can record videos with audio and appears to be compatible with Blogger; at least, it was compatible when I gave it a test-run this afternoon. I'll try to record myself again later today, and hopefully the best-laid plans will finally be fulfilled, resulting in a vlog post that can actually be opened and viewed right here!

Wish me luck!

Our First Wedding Anniversary!

2011-05-22T18:47:00.004-05:00

Today Tim and I are celebrating our first wedding anniversary! It's hard to believe it's already been one year...and what a journey we've experienced together!

My mom's friend Shirley created the gorgeous needlepoint keepsake to commemorate our wedding day; I made the card several years ago in honor of the first anniversary of our first date. New to papercrafting back then, I relied upon Alison Eads' book, "The Artful Card," to learn how to create her vintage, shabby-chic style

A year ago today, I was facing impending unemployment, and had no idea what the future would hold in terms of my career or finances. Consequently, Tim and I had to postpone our plans for a big wedding and reception, and got married three months early, so I could stop renting and be covered under Tim's health insurance, a must-do for someone like me who has two chronic medical conditions.

We were married at a small, private ceremony in my hometown, with our family members and some of my college friends in attendance. My talented cousin/photographer Susie Williams had offered to take some photos to commemorate the day, and we had a great time posing for the camera before and after the service.

Here are some photos taken a year ago today, compliments of Susie:

Tim and I under a tree in front of the church

My college friends Jen, Missy, & Katie; me; my sister Krissy, and
college friend Sara

Our new family: Tim, Connor, and me

I'm so blessed to have married a man as accepting and supportive as Tim, especially considering the challenges we've faced in the last year as well as in the present. I'm lucky my stepson Connor has embraced me as his new stepmom. I'm fortunate I have the family I do, as well as the friends who have done whatever they can to help and support me in this new chapter in my life. Tim and I look forward to expressing our gratitude to all of our loved ones at our reception on July 31 of this year, which will finally be held, fifteen months after our wedding. Better late than never, right?

Here's to love, to marriage, and to a bright future! Hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

A Special Place

2011-05-20T15:05:00.004-05:00

Yesterday evening, I walked to the drugstore and took my usual shortcut through the public park in our neighborhood. My camera in tow, I'd planned to search for nature's first signs of spring (which have been late in coming this year), but instead, felt drawn toward a place I probably know better than any other in this world--the tennis court.

Over the years, I've broken each of these rules at some point...don't ask about the animals!

Most of my memories are framed in chain-link fencing

Although I've only played tennis a few times on this particular court, I've played on literally hundreds of different courts in my life up to this point. From the time I was 12, when I began my long association (and obsession) with the game, I spent hours each day hitting balls, taking lessons, playing matches, and working to improve my physical and mental stamina, so that I could outlast the next opponent, whether it be another player, my own lack of confidence, asthma, or one of the many wrist, elbow, and shoulder injuries I've sustained. Only God knows how many times I've hit a tennis ball in the last twenty years--thousands? Tens of thousands? It's a wonder my arm still moves after all of that swinging and striking, as hard as I could, day after day after day!

One of the most beautiful places in the world is a tennis court on a sunny day, especially after a long winter

Tennis was my life for such a significant period of time; in many ways, it saved me. As a skinny, scrawny teenager who felt completely invisible most of the time, tennis provided me with an identity, with something to be known for. As a girl who didn't always feel as though she fit in, tennis opened doors to lifelong friendships with coaches, mentors, hitting partners, and teammates. As a late-bloomer who's only recently started to accept and love her body, tennis gave me the confidence that it was actually good for something. As a woman who's desperately needed to achieve in order to feel self-worth, tennis offered up challenge after challenge, something to strive for.

We tennis players live out our dreams between the lines

I will always have intimate, intuitive knowledge of every inch of a tennis court--the thickness of the lines, the height of the net, the best places to hit a crosscourt forehand or a down-the-line backhand--but these days, I don't step on a court for the same reasons. While I still love competing and relish the moments that I'm "in the zone," as we in the tennis community call it, I don't have the kind of life (or youth, or body) where I can train or compete in the same way as I did back then. Moreover, I've since adopted new roles, such as that of wife, stepmom (to a talented 8-year old boy who's already demonstrating prowess on the court!), and artist...and despite what the 17-year-old version of myself would've believed, that's OK.

I've always had a love-hate relationship with the net

It's funny; art has energized me in the same way tennis has throughout my life; it has restored my self-confidence and provided catharsis in the same kind of way that hitting the ball with the racquet has always done. Maybe this is why I was moved to photograph and discuss this most special of special places...it's long overdue!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Blogging Buddies and (More) Storage Solutions

2011-05-19T13:34:00.001-05:00

Hi, everyone! I want to extend a big "thank you" to those of you who have written such complimentary comments about my thank-you cards! It really boosts my confidence and stokes my creative fires! I can't wait to get home, put the finishing touches on them, and send them out to my family and friends!

Before I started this blog a few months ago I felt pretty isolated in my creativity, since I wasn't acquainted with many artists. I really wanted to forge connections with other creative people, but wasn't very comfortable showing or talking about my work. Since starting Starting Over Studio, I've been completely amazed and awestruck by the nurturing, supportive warmth each and every one of you has extended in my direction; I feel truly blessed to be surrounded by my new blogging buddies, and look forward to traveling the path of creativity with all of you in the future!

I also greatly appreciate all of the organizational tips you've been sharing this week. Ironically, today when I visited one of my favorite blogs, Journal Girl by the lovely and talented Samantha-Kira Harding, I found out she's been seeking a convenient, orderly method of storing her collection of clear stamps. Turns out I'd been wondering the same thing ever since purchasing my first set of clear stamps a few years ago; the cardboard box full of miscellaneous supplies that I dumped them in just wasn't very efficient, and I was generally too lazy to dig through this box every time I wanted to use them...or simply forgot I had them in the first place.

The Paper Studio offers a sturdy binder created especially for the storage of clear stamps, but I thought there might be a less expensive option. One trip through the album aisle at the craft store convinced me to purchase a small 8x8" or 6x6" scrapbook with plastic page protectors; this option not only saved me a few dollars but also seems to work just fine for corralling those hard-to-contain transparent stamps. Placing them inside of the page protectors with the smooth, sticky side of the stamp facing up (against the plastic) causes them to cling to the plastic, thereby preventing them from moving around too much or falling out. I keep the white pages inside the page protectors, allowing for storage on both sides of each page.

Vintage butterflies, compliments of The Paper Studio


I like to store the transparent design guide near the stamps from that package, for reference on how the stamps should look

I also like to use decorated three-ring binders for storage of rub-ons and stickers. Rub-on alphabets and accents go in one, sticker accents in another, and sticker alphabets in a third. All of the rub-ons and sticker accents are divided into separate page protectors by theme (i.e., inspirational, friendship, travel, etc.), while the sticker alphabets are classified according to color. One step that definitely saves room in the binders is removing the packaging of the stickers and rub-ons, which eliminates all of those thick pieces of cardboard and plastic that only take up space. These items used to be stored in shallow drawers, with no organizational rhyme or reason, and thus were a major pain to locate and use. Today, my binders all sit on one shelf just a few feet from my worktable, and everything is right at my fingertips, saving time and energy!

I decorated the front covers of these binders with scraps easily located in my scrap binder, discussed in the "Scrap Gratitude" post earlier this week

Have a great day!

Card Crazy!

2011-05-18T11:49:00.003-05:00

Last night I spent a couple of hours finishing the first batch of my bridal shower thank-you cards. The collaged paper backgrounds had been created over the weekend, so now it was time for my favorite part of the process: stamping and inking! Using my three favorite large rubber stamps (French script, harlequin, and distressed squares from Stampabilities), I stamped a design on each card in a manner that ensured no two cards would be exactly alike, in either walnut distress ink or buttermilk acrylic paint. After the stampings dried, I then experimented with different ways of placing the photo of the 1920's flapper on each card, inked the edges, and adhered it. Finally, I applied my brand new "Thanks" stamp, usually over a clear area of the background or an area I'd painted black or buttermilk to serve as a mat for the text.

Ironically, using black on the cards wasn't in the original plan. Due to the fact a "Thanks" accidentally became smudged by a wayward fingerprint, I faced the choice of attempting to cover it up or tearing it up and starting over; thankfully, I chose to try painting over it in black, and when buttermilk was stamped over it, it surprisingly looked better than the initial design! As I've said before on this blog, I used to be quite a hopeless perfectionist, and couldn't even deal with the knowledge I'd made a mistake, much less be satisfied with the outcome of a quick fix; most of my errors ended up in the trash. Nowadays, I have accepted that handmade is synonymous with human, and that taking risks and trying new techniques offer opportunities for artistic growth, even if the results are not always 100% perfect!

Well, here are a couple of my favorites:

Brushing on black paint to cover up a smudge added unexpected boldness and drama to this design

I loved using gold embossed paper and photo corners on many of the cards; it adds a nice vintage touch


I experimented with photo placement; tilting the photo and/or adhering the flapper to the edge of the card and clipping off the overhanging edges creates some interesting dynamics

You can bet I'll be "card crazy" tonight, as I tackle the second batch of cards!

Also, please check out the wonderful organizational ideas some of my readers have added beneath yesterday's post, "Scrap Gratitude." Organization is something I definitely need to work on in my studio (don't we all?:-), and these suggestions and solutions sound easy to implement! Thanks again!

Scrap Gratitude!

2011-05-17T14:07:00.005-05:00

This weekend, Tim's mom and sister hosted a bridal shower on my behalf for the female members on their side of the family, as well as my mom and sister and a few of my friends. This shower was quite belated in coming, due to the fact that when Tim and I got married in a private ceremony almost a year ago, we'd had to forego all the "fun" wedding stuff (i.e., reception, etc.) in light of our precarious financial circumstances (i.e., my impending unemployment). It was wonderful to see everyone again, to share a delicious luncheon (would you believe there were three different varieties of cheesecake?!), to appreciate the gorgeous butterfly-themed decorations, and to finally feel like a real bride!

In order to show my gratitude to my relatives and friends for showering us with love and support during the past year, I decided I wanted to create some special handmade thank-you cards to send to everyone who attended the party. I began by cutting and folding pieces of brown and cream cardstock into 4 1/2 x 4 1/2" lift-up cards, and then started searching through my scrap binder for the perfect vintage-y paper scraps to create the front cover backgrounds. After adhering the papers to each card, I aged them and distressed the edges of the cards with walnut ink.

All of the papers used to create the backgrounds
of these cards were leftovers from previous projects

Wanting to find an image of a sassy 1920's flapper, I visited my favorite vintage photo site, http://www.e-vint.com, and located the ideal lady, which happens to be the site's free image for the month of May! I printed and trimmed several copies, and set them aside for the time being. Tonight, my plan is to finish the backgrounds with some ink and paint stamping, along with perhaps some text rub-ons in keeping with the theme of gratitude. I also need to purchase some small envelopes, since the blank ones I have are a bit too large for these cards.

Folded blanks and a flapper

If anyone out there is frustrated by having a lot of itsy-bitsy paper scraps but (1) never being able to find them, or (2) never remembering to use them, I highly recommend filing them in a scrap binder! A few months ago, I read about about this idea in a magazine, and decided it was the perfect way to bring my cluttered collection of pretty scraps out of the dark box at the bottom of my craft armoire and into my projects! I sorted the scraps by color, and placed them into transparent page protectors, so that I'm able to see exactly what it is that I have at all times. I place the scrap binder on a shelf out in the open in my studio, so that it's easily accessible when I'm in the planning stages of a project. A binder like this is also easy to transport; the whole thing fits easily into my scrapbooking bag, and individual page protectors can be removed whenever I want to bring scraps of a certain color with me.

My scrap binder: pretty and functional

Since creating my scrap binder, I've used paper scraps on just about every new project! It's good for my artwork, good for my bank account, and good for the environment! Yay!

Sparkling silver and vintage variety

I will post pics of the finished cards in the next day or two. Anyone else have any tried-and-true methods of organizing creative clutter, or of recycling art materials? Would love to hear your ideas!

Invitation Station

2011-05-17T13:50:00.000-05:00

"All-American Picnic"

Last night I created 15 invites for the All-American Picnic get-together my mother-in-law is hosting at her home in June for the members of her book club.

She'd come up with the idea of using halves of paper plates for cards, in keeping with the picnic theme, and I purchased some fun stars-and-stripes ribbon, sequins, and red & navy blue acrylic paint to embellish the invites.

The pieces of red patterned paper on each card were recycled from my scrap binder; it was nice to be able to reuse bits and pieces of embossed and glittered paper I'd purchased for a Christmas album a few years ago; no one will even know they aren't from an Independence Day collection!

Mass-producing a large number of invites can be tedious, but mixing up the patterned papers, ribbons, and paint colors made each card feel a bit more unique.

In the next few weeks, I will also be creating invites for the wedding reception Tim and I are planning in July, which had been postponed after we got married last year for financial reasons. With about 200 invites to make, there's a good chance it will become tedious for me...I will need to come up with some ingenious ways of making it more fun!

How do you keep it interesting when you are faced with the prospect of making hundreds of pieces for your own purpose or to sell? I'd love to hear your ideas and suggestions!:-)

Daring to Dream

2011-05-11T12:50:00.000-05:00

"All dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." -Walt Disney

Well, on Monday afternoon, I packed up my travel journal as well as the article I wrote describing the experience of creating it, and shipped it off to the Stampington & Company offices in California, keeping my fingers crossed that it will be considered for publication in the Spring 2012 issue of Somerset Memories. This is only the second time I've submitted a project to this (or any) magazine; back in January, I sent a gift album I'd made for my father-in-law for possible inclusion in the upcoming Fall 2011 issue. Any day now, the selection team will be meeting to choose the projects that will appear in the issue, and I get butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about receiving an e-mail or letter from them, informing me of the fate of the artwork in which I'd invested so much of my time, effort, and love.

As I've said before, putting my work "out there" like this is tremendously difficult. Both times I've submitted a project, I've gone through a series of complicated, conflicting emotions, ranging from a sense of accomplishment at finally taking the steps to achieve a longtime goal, to lack of confidence in my abilities as an artist, to pride, to self-doubt, to out-and-out terror at the idea of my work being rejected. And then, there are the months and months of waiting to find out if the work has been deemed publish-worthy. Not being a particularly patient individual, it's kind of like waiting for Christmas Day during the first 24 days of December each year!:-)

In my times of doubt, I think about how far I've come in the last year, and remember how little valued I was by my last employer, how my self-respect and dignity were stomped on and stolen from me. A year ago, I surely wouldn't have been able to finish a project, call myself an artist, or offer up my work for publication in a magazine read by people all over the world. I was withdrawn and consumed by worry, convinced I couldn't do anything right, that I'd never again find my footing. The artistic journey I've taken in the months since has pulled me back up, led me out of the darkness, and opened the door to a new chapter in my life, with new dreams and possibilities. Becoming a published artist and writer is one of these dreams...and though I wasn't ready in the past, I feel I'm getting more and more ready for the resulting possibilities, whatever they may be.

Thanks so much to all of you who have accompanied me on my journey, via this blog, for the last couple months; in many ways, the act of creating and maintaining this blog has already made me a published artist/author--and your support of my work means so much to me!

Hope you are all having a wonderful week!

Finally Finished!

2011-05-09T19:56:00.006-05:00

At long last, I've finished the travel journal I created in celebration of our family trip to Destin, Florida during spring break! Although I had a pretty decent start by the time we left Florida, there were a few spreads at the end of the book that still needed work after we returned home; it goes without saying that once our vacation was over, the "real world" was back, stealing large chunks of my free time..so it took me until this afternoon to tie up the loose ends and call it done!

This travel journal began its life as a boring, nondescript mini-calendar that I found abandoned on a table in the lounge at work. With the help of gesso, acrylic paint, patterned papers, funky rub-ons, rubber and found-object stamps, and vacation photos taken by my husband Tim and me, this mundane memo book was transformed into a tropical travel record we will all enjoy for years to come!

Before...

...and after!

"Path to Paradise"

"Sun Sand Surf"

"The Deep Blue"

"Beach Escape"

"Sandy Toes"

"Playing in the Waves"

"Seaside Sunset"

"Forever Footprint"

This project marks two important firsts for me. This travel journal is the first altered book I've ever created, and is also the first art project I've ever worked on while away from home on vacation! I highly encourage all of you to try making art on the road, simply because it allows you to keep your creative 'groove on' even when you're away from your studio for an extended period. While it involves a lot of advance planning to make sure you bring all of the necessary the tools and supplies (and believe me, I packed more than I ended up using!), I know that the time I set aside for myself to create --be it in the course of my daily photo walks, background-painting sessions, or recording memorable moments in writing--truly made my travel experience all the richer and more enjoyable!

Tim snapped a shot of me creating in my makeshift "studio," the kitchen!

Hope everyone's having a wonderful week!

Photo Booth Fun

2011-05-05T13:34:00.002-05:00

Being the technophobe that I am, I usually don't feel the urge to try new computer applications, much less fall in love with them. So, after playing around one day about a month ago with Apple Photo Booth, which is featured on a MacBook Pro I'm borrowing at this time, I couldn't believe how fabulously fun and functional it was, particularly when it comes to capturing self-portraits to use in my art! Before discovering this wonderful program, I often wished I had more pictures of me to use in my art journal, but it was pretty much impossible for me to snap a photo on my digital camera of myself; typically, the finished product would sport a missing forehead or an eye, not to mention an awkward, anxious facial expression.

Thanks to Photo Booth, I can experiment a bit with different expressions, angles, and composition, in an instant-gratification manner...and best of all, I can get rid of any unflattering shots by clicking on the red 'x' in the upper left corner of the photo! LOVE IT!

Here are some photos I captured this morning, just for the fun of it, to document me on this day, at this moment in my life. Enjoy!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!:-)

Floral Florida

2011-05-04T20:38:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone! We've been home from Florida since Sunday, and after a week of sultry sunshine and temps in the mid-80's, we're definitely wishing we were still there! The weather here in Wisconsin is unseasonably cool for the beginning of May; we're still in the 40's in the mornings, and the mercury barely reaches 55 by late afternoon.

The tropical blooms pictured here, which were all located within a block of our rental home, take me back in time to last week...hopefully by the end of May, we'll finally see flower buds opening up around here!

I think the top photo might be that of a magnolia...can anyone more familiar with botany identify the others?

Have a great night, everyone! Let's keep praying for spring!

The Defining Moment of Our Lives

2011-05-02T21:26:00.003-05:00

Last night, when I heard the news that Osama bin Laden was finally located and killed in Pakistan almost ten years after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the first thing I felt compelled to do was journal about it. Unfortunately, because President Obama’s speech wasn’t broadcast until almost 11pm here in Wisconsin and we’d just gotten home from our trip to Florida, I was just too physically and emotionally exhausted to create anything until today.

For most Generation X-ers like me, the 9/11 attack on America was the quintessential, defining moment of our lives, the equivalent of the JFK assassination for our parents’ generation and Pearl Harbor for that of our grandparents. We went to bed on the evening of Monday, September 10, 2001 believing the world was a safe place, that all people were truly good at heart, and that America was immune from the kind of danger and warfare that happened overseas. Our whole lives, we’d only known the U.S.A. to be peaceful and prosperous, and we had no reason to be insecure or fearful. When we woke up on Tuesday, September 11, we turned on the TV, and once the shock wore off, it dawned on us that nothing would ever be the same.

Reflections, 5/2/2011

I’d just turned 23 the week prior to 9/11, and as a college student, all I worried about was the paper that was due tomorrow, the exam scheduled for Friday, or what my friends were planning to do that weekend. That morning, as I watched jumbo jets plow into buildings, instantly killing thousands, people jumping from windows in order to escape the carnage, government officials stumbling in confusion and trying to bring order to the chaos, and news reporters fumbling to find the right words to explain what was happening, I knew my childhood was over, that I’d never again feel completely innocent or safe. As the months passed and we faced the anthrax attacks and were plunged into one, and then two wars, it became clear that the carefree times of the past would never return.

When I heard the news about bin Laden last night, I instantly connected via text messaging with some of my oldest and best friends—those who were there with me back then, those who cried with me and comforted me, those who were angry and felt the same need for an explanation, who wanted desperately to make someone pay for what had been done. We reminisced and remembered, and felt some sense of justice, of closure.

"Justice Has Been Done"

My journal page shows a crude rendering of bin Laden, but also includes a photo of me blowing out my birthday candles six days before 9/11, blissfully unaware of the coming storm, as well as a photocopy of the Twin Towers as they burned out of control after the attacks. In many ways, spilling out the complex emotions connected to this moment—sadness, grief, loss, anger, vengefulness, as well as peace, gratitude, and relief—has aided me in processing everything that’s been in my heart since that fateful day nearly ten years ago.

Tonight I’m thankful for the leadership of our President and his cabinet, for the wisdom of the CIA, for the courage of the Navy Seals who confronted bin Laden in his compound. If not for these factors, this moment of redemption for the 9/11 victims, their families, and each and every citizen of the United States of America would not have been possible.

God bless America.

Just Playing Around

2011-04-27T09:15:00.004-05:00

Here are the latest pics from Florida. As a relative newbie to photography, I've been experimenting quite a bit on this trip with different angles and composition, trying to get the hang of it and at the same time end up with some interesting photos for the travel journal. I apologize if it seems I've developed a foot fetish...but when you're by yourself on the beach, it's pretty hard to take good self-portraits!:-)

The view from my beach chair

Me and my shadow

Sandy toes, which also happens to be the name of our rental house

Warning flags on the beach (red means dangerous surf, while purple stands for dangerous marine life)

Leaving my mark

Enjoy! Hope you are all having a great week!

Fun in the Sun!

2011-04-25T11:37:00.002-05:00

Tim, Connor, and I arrived Saturday afternoon in Miramar Beach, Florida for our long-anticipated Spring Break vacation. Located just off the panhandle on a long, narrow barrier island, the locals refer to this area of sugar-white sand beaches as the Emerald Coast. In our first 48 hours, we've already walked the beach, played in the waves, and spent hours reading and relaxing under umbrellas--and with cloudless skies and balmy temps in the mid-80's, it's exactly the kind of respite we've needed from the extended winter up north!

There’s something about being near a body of water that calms me, that literally washes away all the stresses of life.

I've had a great time taking pictures the last couple of days, and here are some I wanted to share with you:

Gorgeous flowers in the backyard of our rental home

Welcome to paradise!

Wooden walkway leading to the beach

Roaring waves

Connor and Tim playing in the surf

Snowbirds soaking up sunshine

Tim hunting for sand fleas in the shallows

Dunes at dusk

Enchanted evening

Yesterday I prepared my altered travel journal by gessoing the cover and interior pages. Hoping to begin painting and collaging today!

I Just Have to Let it Go

2011-04-22T17:22:00.004-05:00

Stephey Baker is a gentle, lovely soul whose gem of a site, Marked by the Muse, has become an integral part of my daily blog-reading routine, simply because she's able to articulate perfectly what artists think, feel, and experience as they travel along on their creative journeys. Her words always come directly from her heart, and always resonate deeply with me, especially now, as I find myself at a crucial fork in the road.

In her recent posts, Stephey's been discussing the idea of how we determine our true identities. In her eloquent wisdom, she contends that the process of finding out who we really are isn't a matter of searching for or adding new characteristics from outside ourselves, but that it's instead a task of subtraction, of finding out who we aren't, by identifying what doesn't fit or isn't working in our lives, and learning to let it go. This idea--searching for who I'm not, and in turn, giving myself permission to get rid of that baggage, along with the accompanying guilt and frustration--has really gripped me in the last month or so, as I've tried to figure out what's next for me in my life, particularly as it pertains to my career.

Watching the Wheels

In my working life, there's a part of me that's always felt like a square peg trying to jam itself into a circular hole; my pointy edges have never been able to fit as they should, or the way I convinced myself that they should. In the last year, circumstances have forced me to look deeply inside of myself, to reevaluate, to separate what I truly need in order to be happy from the unnecessary dead weight that's only been pulling me under, sapping my energy, loading me down with burdens that just don't seem worth the stress and strain. I've realized that I no longer want to feel stressed out, sad, afraid, or angry as a result of my work--and that, physically and emotionally, I can't do that any longer! Instead, I want to love what I do for a living, and truly enjoy going to work each day. I want to work with people, but not in a position in which I (or others) are antagonized or subverted. I want to exercise my creativity at work, to be a part of making something really special (in the literal sense, as with my hands, or in a figurative sense, as part of a team working together toward a goal), and to help and support others in their creative endeavors.

I've spent too much time travelling down this bumpy road, and I just don't have the stomach to keep riding, with all of its ups and downs, with all of the whiplash that's injured my spirit. One of my favorite singers, songwriters, and philosophers, John Lennon, describes exactly what I'm feeling these days in the chorus of his classic hit, "Watching the Wheels":

I'm just sittin' here,
Watchin' the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer ridin' on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.

I'm going to have to let it go--and move on.

In other news, Tim, Connor, and I are on a much-needed vacation to sunny Destin, Florida this week, with Tim's family. I will be sure to post photos of the journey as well as images of an altered travel journal that I plan to make with the cartload of art supplies I've packed with me! I hope you all have an enjoyable holiday weekend, and be sure to check out Stephey's wise words at http://www.markedbythemuse.com/!

Order out of Chaos

2011-04-19T22:06:00.001-05:00

I created this page in my journal, in response to the Journal Fodder Junkies prompt for this week, which is "chaos and order." We were challenged to create a page exploring how we deal with chaos in our lives.

Working with at-risk teens, my days are very rarely without at least some disorder. The kids I work have been exposed to a lot of chaos in their homes and neighborhoods, and many also struggle with substance abuse and mental illness; when this chaos comes into my workspace, it can be exhausting at times.

"Chaos"

I created my page by first writing text about this chaos on a piece of plain white paper, then cutting it up into pieces, randomly gluing the pieces on the page. I then painted different layers with acrylic paint to cover up the text (in order to preserve my privacy--as well as that of the people with whom I work) and sanded the paint, to make it appear worn. I used bubble wrap as a stamp and mesh as a stencil, to add more texture to the background; I also wrote, stamped, and rubbed on the word "chaos" in different colors and fonts, in all directions on the page. I finished by spraying watered-down red acrylic paint all over the page, as well as splattering red paint with a toothbrush.

I must say, it did make me feel better to create this page...very cathartic!

Enjoy! And be sure to visit the Journal Fodder Junkies art blog at http://journalfodderjunkies.blogspot.com/ !

Running is Love!

2011-04-14T18:43:00.002-05:00

"My Nikes: Running is Love"

Creative Therapy is a website that offers monthly challenges for scrapbookers and mixed-media artists. The catalysts, as the prompts are called, are great opportunities to be inspired and create new works of art. This month's catalyst, #130, is: Tell us about a special or favorite piece of clothing.

It was very difficult for me to choose just one item of clothing, as I, like most women, have a love affair with almost every shirt, sweater, and pair of jeans in my wardrobe! But...if I had to pick only one item, it would have to be my pair of silver and blue Nike Air Reax running shoes, the subject of this page I created in my art journal, in response to the prompt.

Running is an activity in my life that centers me, that makes me feel physically and mentally healthy, that promotes creative thought. I often ponder artwork-in-progress while I'm out jogging through the neighborhood, and chances are, if I'm stuck in a rut or not sure how to proceed with a certain piece, I can count on getting a burst of inspiration while my mind is fresh and active. Running gets me in great shape for my favorite sport, tennis, which I play on a weekly basis in the summer months, strengthens my lungs (I suffer from asthma), and provides much-needed "me" time. If not for my sturdy yet comfy Nike Reax or the dozens of other pairs of runners I've owned over the years, I wouldn't be able to enjoy this exercise for the body and soul!

Here is a found poem that serves as the journaling on the page:

running

starting from anywhere,
solitary trips
there you feel free.
the fierce rush:
the heat--
the sound of feet
pounding
on the rough road
breathing
in on two
out on two
endurance,
of body
and mind

Be sure to check out the Creative Therapy site at http://creativetherapy.wordpress.com/, and find out how you can become part of this inspiring challenge!

Operative Words

2011-04-13T15:43:00.003-05:00

"Reformed Technophobe"

Here's my entry for the Journal Fodder Junkies' weekly art journaling challenge. This week's prompt was "operative words." Participants were challenged to choose 3 or more meaningful key words from a piece of their own writing and create a page illustrating the operative words.

I did some freewriting about my many years as a technophobe, describing how I spent most of my time trying avoid dealing with new gadgets, and telling the story of how a random Google search for a long-lost friend about a month ago turned me into somewhat of a believer; this pivotal moment influenced me to try social networking platforms such as Facebook and blogging, which have, shockingly, changed my life for the better!
Enjoy! And be sure to visit the Journal Fodder Junkies art blog at http://journalfodderjunkies.blogspot.com/!

Journal Fodder Junkies: A Great Challenge!

2011-04-11T21:28:00.001-05:00

If you're looking for some inspiration when it comes to the subject matter you explore in the pages of your art journal, be sure to visit the Journal Fodder Junkies blog, where David Moder and Eric Scott, authors of the incredible journaling resource The Journal Junkies Workshop, host a weekly challenge. I stumbled upon the site this week, and was instantly amazed at the thought-provoking prompts these guys devise for our journaling pleasure!

The prompt for April 1-9 was "random words." Journalers were encouraged to open up a book to any page, and select a word by pointing their finger randomly somewhere on the page. My random word turned out to be "tarnished." Ironically, I've often thought in the last 18 months that certain events in my career have caused me to feel like a dull piece of silver that's lost its shine. Luckily, the love of family and friends, as well as my art, has been like that chemical they used to sell on TV (Tarnex? Tarmec?) that would magically restore the sparkle and shine to tarnished spoons and forks. Heartfelt thanks goes out to all of them, and to you!

Anyhow...here's the journal page that was inspired by "random words." Be sure to check out the Journal Fodder Junkies blog in time for their next challenge at http://journalfodderjunkies.blogspot.com/!

"Tarnished"

Trying More Transfers

2011-04-09T20:07:00.000-05:00

"For Aiko"

This is my newest collage, a gift created for my friend Aiko, who lives in Tokyo. Her 33rd birthday is today (well, for her, it was technically yesterday, since right now it's actually already Sunday in Japan, which is 14 hours ahead of CST here in Wisconsin!). I was able to scan the collage and send it to her via Facebook, so she will be able to see it the next time she logs on.

I'm so incredibly happy to have reconnected with her, since we unfortunately lost touch with each other awhile back, somewhere in the midst of the chaos of college graduation, new jobs, getting married, and having families (I, for one, moved about 6 different times in the last 8 years!). Her friendship and the fun we had in high school have always meant so much to me, and thanks to social networking sites like Facebook, it is so much less difficult to be in touch...and more importantly, stay in touch.

My stepson, Connor, a first-class supporter of
his stepmom's art, as well as a budding
scrapbook and collage artist himself!

In spite of my less-than stellar attempt earlier this week, I decided to continue experimenting with inkjet image transfers in this project. I found the lady carrying the parasol in an image on e-vint.com, and printed her out on white copy paper in color, cutting around her profile. Spreading gel medium all over the printed side of the paper, I placed her face-down on the collage, and crossed my fingers that it'd work, scared to death I'd somehow ruin the background I loved so much! Fortunately, after it dried overnight, I was able to roll away the paper, layer by painstaking layer, to reveal an intact image! After outlining her in charcoal pencil (I finally had the guts to tear open a package of pencils I'd purchased months ago but didn't know how to use--thankfully, my stepson Connor, age 8, supported me every step of the way by reassuring me that it "looked so good" as I traced and shaded, over and over again!), she was done! And I gotta say, I'm feeling like I might become an inkjet transfer addict, looking for all kinds of other ways to use this technique in my art!

Have a great weekend, everyone, and I urge you all to discover a new cool technique, and rise above the fear to try it in your next project!

The New...and the Tried and True

2011-04-07T17:24:00.001-05:00

Hi, everyone! Hope you’re having a wonderful week! I’ve continued working in my journal, and here’s a peek at the latest page. Because April in Wisconsin has been quite dark and dreary so far, I was in the mood to play with some warm, bright colors; fortunately, I recently bought some Shiva oil paintstiks in cadmium orange and yellow, and jumped at the opportunity to experiment with them while creating a dynamic background.

I’ve also been experimenting a bit this week with image transfers, specifically the inkjet transfers featured on p. 58 of L.K. Ludwig’s truly transformational art journaling resource, Creative Wildfire. The camels in the lower left portion of the journal page were transferred using this method. Because the sketch-like image was so simplistic, it made for an ideal first attempt, and I was gleeful when I realized it worked just as described in the book.

With new confidence, I went out on a limb and tried to do another transfer on a page in the memory book I’m in the process of creating for my dad. I chose a photo of my sister as a little girl, converted it to black and white, printed it on plain white printer paper, and carried out the transfer. Although I didn’t expect the result to be a perfect (in fact, I hoped the rendering would be a bit sloppy-looking and rugged, in keeping with the masculine, outdoorsy mood of the album), I have to admit I thought it would turn out a little better than it did. After a few days of hemming and hawing over it with a critical eye, I felt like the finished image was too sloppy and unclear to remain in the book. I opted to cover up the less-than-ideal transfer with one of my old standby disguises, a photo, pretending the ill-fated transfer never happened. I don't feel too badly about it...after all, I took a chance and tried a new technique, and like any new skill, it will turn out better with practice, practice, practice!

What are some new techniques you've tried lately, and what were the results? I'd love to hear about all of your art adventures, so please leave a comment!

Searching for Spring

2011-04-06T20:47:00.002-05:00

Spring in Wisconsin is usually very difficult to find, especially at this time in April. Nature's process of transitioning between winter and spring in the upper Midwest is long and laborious, and for several weeks after the last dirty, road-salty snowdrifts melt into oblivion, the landscape still appears barren and dead. A few mornings this week, as I drowsily raised the blinds to look out the window, I had to ask myself which month it was, since the view resembled November as much as it did April!

Tonight I took a walk through my neighborhood and snapped a few quick pics to show how little things seem to have changed since the last time we were able to see the ground:

Tiny, tenacious berries that have desperately clung to a bush since before the first snowfall

Bent and flattened cornstalks left behind from last autumn's harvest, awaiting the plow

Stark, naked branches stretching toward gray, gloomy skies

Dry, crunchy leaves suspended from a tree, never having fallen in the fall

While these 'before' images make me wish that the spring flowers, buds, and warm breezes were already here, I can't help but be amazed by the transformative magic that will be performed by nature in the next month or so...or by how the smallest, most vulnerable of things, like the berries or the leaves, are able to stay put after nearly five months of nonstop snowing, blowing, drifting, and freezing! Earth's changing seasons are truly miraculous!

Joy of Journaling

2011-04-02T14:25:00.008-05:00

This week I finally had the chance to read the latest edition of one of my favorite Stampington & Co. publications, Art Journaling. After viewing some of the colorful eye candy presented by its contributors, I realized it's been way too long since my own journal saw the light of day. Busy with a number of other projects recently, I've definitely neglected it more than I should. Consequently, I've taken advantage of some spare moments here and there this week to finish an in-progress page I'd left hanging a few months ago, as well as create a few new pages.

I love my journal because it's one place I can practice new techniques without pressure to be perfect. A nice thing about journalling is that I don't have to show my pages to anyone else; furthermore, if something turns out badly enough, I can always tear out the page and begin anew on the next one. Fortunately, I haven't felt the need to do that too often. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I enjoy the different effects certain techniques produce, and if it doesn't work exactly as described in a magazine article, that's OK; more often than not the result still looks new and interesting, and I end up deciding to keep it.

Here is a page I finished yesterday, about how good it feels to be creating again in my journal! A found text poem serves as the basis for the page's theme:

                            There will be time to create,
                                          for decisions and revisions
                           Assemble, first, all the casual bits
                           and scraps
                                          colours
                                          thoughts
                                          memories

                                          pain
                                          strength

                                          friends
                                          love

                                         courage
                                         fear

                                         past
                                        future

Enjoy! Happy journalling!:-)

Where Do I Go From Here???

2011-03-29T14:52:00.004-05:00

It's difficult to remain patient when you've been on an uncertain path for as long as you can remember. It's a struggle to stay confident in the direction you're traveling when you don't see many, if any, signs pointing the way, telling you how to get to your destination. It's been 13 months since I found out I'd be facing unemployment, and just as long since I began my search for a new full-time job. Although I'm currently working full-time hours these days, I'm earning wages that aren't commensurate with my advanced degree; furthermore, my position is temporary, on a month-by-month basis. A few months ago, it appeared as though I might be able to attain full-time status in this job, but thanks to the recent cuts in the state budget, I'm almost 100% sure my employer won't be able to hire me permanently; this realization has been discouraging, to say the least.

a page from my graduate school PDP,
created when I was more sure of my life and career paths

Many people in my life tell me God has a plan for me, and that I need to be patient in waiting for Him to send me a signal. I've been waiting and watching, but haven't witnessed any obvious signs, at least not yet. The only signs I've recognized are the increasing percentages of the unemployed and underemployed, and the dejected faces of friends and acquaintances who are facing lost positions, decreased hours, and fewer benefits. It feels like everyone's in my shoes, and the nagging doubter in me questions how God can provide for the growing mass of people who feel lost in the darkness, when we're all grasping for the same straw.

I wonder where I belong...where I'm meant to be...what I'm supposed to do with my life...what kind of work I should be pursuing. For many years I believed I knew the answers to these questions, but now I've never been so confused. People often ask me, what is my dream job? My strongest passions in life at this point are my art, as well as writing. These are areas in which I feel a sense of competence; they also offer me the creative, hands-on outlet I've always craved. These activities instill in me tremendous joy and pride.

But...how do I get to a place where I can use my gifts in my work? The road to that kind of future is one upon which I've never traveled, and I don't know the way. The destination I have in mind is so completely different from where I was educated to go...and yet, it feels like it could be a place that I belong. My husband, who's been a loyal source of comfort in the past year, tells me I need to figure out what it is that will make me happy, what it is I want to do. That being said, we're aware that we both need to be working full-time to support our household, and doing what I want to do just doesn't seem practical at this time.

I'm so tired...tired of traveling on this never ending road, tired of going in circles. I want this particular stretch in my life's journey to be over...or at the very least, I'd like to be making some actual progress in the right direction. I can't take much more of the not knowing, the uncertainty, the limbo associated with what's happening now. I want to be where I should be, doing what I'm meant to do. I want so badly to see the signs. My eyes are still open; I'm still looking around. God, where are the signs? Where do I go from here?

"Out There"

2011-03-25T14:31:00.007-05:00

Once you upload,
   press publish,
   there's no grabbing it back.
What you once conceived
   in the sacred privacy
   of your sensitive soul,
What you created and debated--
   and sometimes even hated
   because you couldn't get it just right;
What you molded and maneuvered,
   stared at and glared at,
   in waking hours and in dreams,
Is no longer yours,
   no longer a well-guarded secret,
   clutched close to your chest.
It will never again be for your eyes only,
   never again left alone on a shelf
   or kept in the corner of a closet.
Once you put it out there,
   privacy is shattered,
   anonymity is sacrificed.
Once you release it,
   it belongs to them;
It is theirs to applaud,
   to critique,
   to criticize,
   to reject,
   to ignore.
It is out there--and like an overprotective parent,
   you must provide this child
   with a chance to stand on its own--
   to succeed or fail on merit alone.

I've come to the realization recently that putting my artwork "out there," by posting it on this blog and on other websites, participating in online artists' challenges, and submitting art for publication is a complicated emotional experience. In one way, sharing my art with strangers in these venues is exhilarating; there's nothing that compares to the feeling of receiving a compliment from someone who's seen my work for the first time. At the same time, I still feel a lump in my stomach when I press the "publish" key...because I've always been timid and self-conscious about sharing my work, and frankly, am terrified by the possibility it won't be liked, that it will not be sophisticated enough, that it will be rejected.

"Guardian Angel": finished this week and submitted
to Mix It Up With Melange team challenge;
see page at right margin to find out
more about the piece

I've been blog-surfing quite a bit the last few days, and have been amazed at how many artists, even those who have tons of prior experience with selling, displaying, and publishing their work, feel this same sense of dread at times; however, it doesn't stop them from putting themselves out there. And I know, deep down, that this is the right thing for me to be doing at this time. A few months ago, when I was struggling with feelings of isolation and boredom with my typical creative routine, it dawned on me that I needed to spread my wings and actually do some of the things on my to-do list; one of the items at the top of this list was to take the plunge and try to get published. So that's what I'm doing, despite the worries, fears, and self-doubt. It's my "next step," and I will keep on keepin' on, doing whatever I can to achieve my goals.

Thanks goes out to the wonderful ladies who have been so supportive and kind to me in the last few weeks! Your words are uplifting--and create such a feeling of confidence inside of me!

A Life Expanding

2011-03-21T20:05:00.002-05:00

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” –Anais Nin

In a matter of days, it will be exactly one year since I first embarked upon this artistic sojourn. Back then, I was in a dark, anxious place in my life. Faced with my impending joblessness, the future was something I could barely bring myself to think about. When I looked in the mirror, I wasn’t sure anymore who I was, what my strengths were, or where I fit into my profession; even worse, I wasn’t even certain I wanted to fit into it anymore. The world had, almost overnight, become an uncertain, threatening place, and I felt I’d lost my niche in it.

On a damp, chilly April afternoon, I meandered into Barnes & Noble, looking for something to take my mind off of my troubles. With my short attention span, I shied away from the books, and went instead to the newsstand. In the craft/hobby section, I looked at the typical monthly papercrafting publications, not interested in purchasing any of them…and then, I saw it: Somerset Memories. I’d never heard of this magazine before…but I was instantly drawn to it, thanks to the elegant, ethereal butterfly collage featured on the front cover, as well as its thick, sturdy paper stock that made it feel so much more substantial and sophisticated than the other magazines on the rack, in all of their commercial, in-your-face glossiness. Little did I know, as I bought my first issue of this magazine, that it would change me—and my life—in immeasurable ways, from that moment on.

The catalyst of change

Back home, I read my new publication with wide, awe-stricken eyes. I’d never seen such beautiful artwork in my life! The finished products were masterpieces of paper, paint, and a variety of other materials and techniques of which I knew very little. In fact, my feeling of awe was quickly supplanted by a terrible sense of confusion, followed by the embarrassment of realizing my total ignorance; how in the world did one create art like this??? I didn’t know anything about acrylic paint, or gel medium, or Mod Podge. I didn’t know about dry-brushing or color-washing. I’d never used vintage photos or paper in my scrapbooking, and I’d never heard of art journaling, book arts, or found poetry. I wasn’t very good at stamping, and I’d never attempted stenciling or masking. The terms “punchinella” and “dresden” were completely foreign to me—and the idea of using everyday household items like bubble wrap as a means of putting paint on a canvas was not even on my radar (and speaking of canvas, I’d never touched one of these before in my life!). After savoring this issue for several days, I wanted so badly to be able to create the artwork presented by its featured artists—but I was sure this kind of creative expression was far beyond my reach.

Looking back on the last year, it amazes me how far I’ve come in such a short period of time—especially considering the state of mind I was in at the beginning of this journey. I’m admittedly puzzled that at such a difficult time, when my confidence seemed to be dead, that I would have the guts to dive in and explore something entirely new. But with each and every rudimentary technique I learned, and each new tool with which I experimented, my passion for mixed-media art grew…and so did my courage to learn more and try harder. I began reading other Stampington & Company publications, and devoured books on the topics relating to collage, painting, and art journaling; in late summer I started my first art journal, and it has played a major role in helping me to improve my skills and deal with the circumstances I’ve been dealt in the last year. Before too long, I began incorporating mixed-media techniques into my cards, scrapbooks, and heritage art, and have even begun creating stand-alone collage pieces. Searching for inspiration and collegiality, I’ve recently joined the online mixed-media art community as a blogger and participant in art web groups and challenges (my first piece will be uploaded within the next week to Melange Team Challenge), and have made a number of wonderful new acquaintances, both novice and more experienced, from whom I’m able to draw inspiration, advice, and support. The year came full-circle in January, when I shipped my first project and article for publication…to none other than Somerset Memories! Publication was something I’d always wanted to pursue, but didn’t, because I lacked the courage to put my work “out there.” It remains to be seen whether my piece will be selected for inclusion in the Fall 2011 issue, but no matter what happens, I can say I gave it my best shot…and there will always be other opportunities to share my work, in print and online.

Thanks to my random discovery of mixed-media art on a cold, dreary spring day, I feel that my life has expanded in so many ways, it’s hard to remember the heartbroken, nearly hopeless person I was prior to the commencement of this journey—and equally difficult to see my life in the future without art to enrich it, and to help me cope with obstacles that may be in my path. I know that no matter where the road takes me, I'm ready to set new goals, learn new techniques, and create many new pieces of art in the next year and beyond!

Vintage Voices

2011-03-17T14:12:00.007-05:00

Gramma Alice's High School
Graduation, 1928

As long as I can remember, I’ve always been fascinated by old pictures. When I was growing up, I was fortunate to have access to the prodigious amount of black-and-white and sepia photos pasted into the family albums of both of my grandmothers, Alice and Loretta. One of my favorite activities when visiting their homes was to pull out these heavy, bursting-at-the-seams records of their long lives, and listen, spellbound, as they told me the names of the people in the pictures, as well as the stories behind them.

The photos I loved most of all were the ones of my grandparents when they were children. Gramma Alice, who was born in 1909 and was a teenager in the 1920’s, typically sported a short, crimped bob, and sometimes wore a thick, floppy bow in her hair, while Loretta, also known as Maema, who came of age at the dawn of World War II, had thick, gorgeous auburn curls styled into the same kind of pageboy worn by the glamorous starlets in Hollywood’s Golden Age. For the history buff in me, seeing these pictures stirred my imagination and brought to life the eras I learned about in school in a way in which the textbooks never could.

A few years ago, following the death of my grandpa, my mom and dad found in his attic a box of very old snapshots and cabinet cards that had belonged to his parents, Walter and Malinda Eberhardt; in our best estimations, we think they were taken in the late 1800’s. By talking to some of my cousins as well as conducting research on Ancestry.com, I’ve been able to identify most of the ancestors pictured in these old photos. Even though these people had passed on decades prior to my birth and I’ve never had the opportunity to truly know them, I feel like these pictures possess the answers to so many of my existential, “big-picture” questions about life, such as, who am I? Where did I come from? What is my ethnic heritage, my religious background? What physical, emotional, and intellectual characteristics did I inherit from them? What strengths do I possess, just because their blood runs through my veins? It’s so humbling to look into their eyes, and know that if not for these faces and these lives, I would never have been born! Had they not summoned up the courage to pull up stakes in Germany and travel across the Atlantic to find land, freedom, and a better life in a new, unknown place, I wouldn’t be able to call myself an American, or take part in the endless opportunities (and yes, even the occasional contentious, nasty debates) associated with being a citizen of this nation.

Maema's High School Graduation, 1939

When I’m going through a hard time in my life, looking at these pictures gives me a feeling of calm, of serenity. It reassures me that in the end, everything will be OK…because I understand they made it through life, its challenges, and its hurts in one piece. Moreover, I feel a sense of belonging, because the ancestors portrayed in the photos have provided me with a large, close-knit circle of family; my cousins, who have remained connected, generation after generation, surround me with their love and support, and are my forebears’ greatest legacies. When it comes to my artistic journey, these photos also inspire me to create. The delicate lace trim on my second great-grandmother Augusta Miller’s wedding dress, the jovial smiles on the faces of my great-grandfather and his half-brother as they posed for the camera, and the dark vintage leaf wallpaper in my great-grandma Malinda’s parlor serve as jumping-off points for many of the projects I work on. In fact, I am currently working on a collage containing a photo of my grandma Loretta, and in 2011 plan to start altered book projects chronicling both of my grandmother's lives.

Charles & Augusta Miller Family, ca. 1902
Rear: my great-grandmother, Malinda (Miller) Eberhardt
Front: her sister, Tillie (Miller) Oberreich

Four generations later, 2009:
Jen, great-granddaughter of Malinda Eberhardt;
Jen, great-granddaughter of Tillie Oberreich

It’s been said that a picture says a thousand words; my challenge to you is to listen to those vintage voices, and hear what they have to say about your heritage, your good fortune, and the truths that continue to be true, year after year, lifetime after lifetime.

What Really Counts—and What We Can Live Without

2011-03-13T21:08:00.003-05:00

In her article entitled “Fabbricanti Di Libre” in the March/April issue of Somerset Studio, mixed-media artist Hanne Matthiesen describes an intriguing project she created with two of her colleagues, known simply as a book-in-a-suitcase. The project challenged the artists to examine the various kinds of “mental baggage” they each carry along with them on their respective journeys through life. In determining what to include in the book and what to leave out, the artists asked themselves what was “essential and necessary” in life, as well as what was “superfluous, worthless, [or] maybe even a suffocating and cumbersome burden which would really only slow or weight us down” (p. 57).

The manner of thinking behind this project resonated deeply with me when I read it this past week, especially in light of the devastating earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan, in which countless lives were extinguished in an instant without prior warning. Life, just like nature, is completely unpredictable, and we can lose everything in a heartbeat; I believe it’s crucial that we periodically take a step back and look at our own lives, to make sure that we are devoting our time and emotional energy to the things that are truly “essential and necessary,” instead of wasting precious moments and resources on things that have little or no meaning in the end.

I took the opportunity to sit down and create a list of the essentials that are most important in my life, as well as the negative baggage that tends to steal my energy and distract me from my journey and goals:

Essentials:

ü Family (i.e., relationships with my husband, stepson, parents, sister, and extended family; remembering those who have passed on; researching family ancestry; preserving heirlooms)

ü Friendship

ü Pets

ü Good health (personal, as well as that of family members, especially my sister who suffers from a chronic medical condition)

ü Art (time to create; a place set aside for creating; opportunities to learn new techniques; living a creative lifestyle)

ü Adequate rest (physical and mental)

ü Enjoying the outdoors

ü Celebrating memories

ü Tennis

ü Running

ü Reading about history

ü Self-expression through writing

ü Music

Negative Baggage:

ü Embarrassment about being unemployed/underemployed

ü Anxiety related to finding a new full-time job

ü Anxiety about possibly choosing a new, different career path

ü Anger about wrongful treatment at my last job

ü Anxiety about family finances

ü Frustration with family members who have chosen not to be a part of my life

ü Frustration with those who have different political beliefs

ü Anxiety involved with learning about and incorporating new technology into my life

ü Anxiety about weight gain/body image

ü Anxiety about trying new art techniques and making mistakes

ü Making comparisons between me and others at more advanced stages in their artistic journeys

The development of both of these lists was an eye-opening activity. While I’ve always had a sense of the people, things, and experiences that were critical to my physical and mental well-being, I was quite surprised that all of them could be categorized as part of only about a dozen overarching themes. On the other hand, when it came to the harmful, wasteful baggage that I carry on my shoulders on an ongoing basis, I was startled at how many distractions there were, and how pervasive some of them have been, especially during this season of transition in terms of my career. Thankfully, I’ve had the chance to vent about many of these issues in my art journal…and I’m sure there will be many more pages created with this purpose in mind. But what about the essentials, the positives? What kind of project could I create to celebrate the things that matter most in my life?

Unloading the Baggage in My Art Journal

Before closing tonight, I’d like to say a prayer for one of my best friends from high school, Aiko Ido, a native of Kobe, Japan. I hope she, as well as her parents and siblings, are safe and sound at this time, and that we will be in touch again soon!

Escaping Perfection Prison

2011-03-10T19:43:00.002-06:00

One thing I’ve grown to love about mixed-media art is that at times, imperfection is embraced, that mistakes are almost considered preferable to sterile perfection, that an error may be just what’s needed to add more character and humanness to a piece. Mixed-media art relies upon the idea that a piece is genuinely handmade and one-of-a-kind, produced by regular people with regular flaws and idiosyncracies, such as shaky hands, bleeding paint, running glue, smudging ink, etc.

When I started scrapbooking several years ago, I was a terrible perfectionist. If I adhered a photo or sticker crookedly on a page, discovered a spelling error in my journaling, or accidentally smudged ink, I was devastated, and felt compelled to immediately tear up the page and start over from scratch. There were times that I’d get so annoyed with myself and my inability to be perfect that I’d put my accident-prone artwork away for months before bringing it out again to work on. Whenever I sat down to create, I was so paralyzed by the fear of making a mistake that I’d arrange and rearrange my page elements hundreds of times, over and over, afraid to make a commitment, terrified of gluing anything down…because what if I ruined it by making a mistake? Needless to say, I wasn’t very productive back then.

A few years ago, I became obsessed with stamping, and started using paint and ink in my memory art. It took me a long time to truly understand and appreciate the ways in which these media worked…and I was forced to acknowledge that stamping is, by nature, an imperfect science. I discovered that the variables of how much paint or ink is used, how evenly it is spread over the stamp, and how much pressure is applied to the stamp tend to be unique every time. For example, sometimes the image comes out very clearly on a surface, while at other times just a trace of the image is visible; sometimes the edge of the stamp creates a shadow around the image. While I admit there were still moments in which the imprecision of stamping drove me crazy (and tempted me to tear up a project in frustration!), I eventually made peace with the shabby-chic imperfection of the craft…and if things didn’t work out exactly as I’d planned, I granted myself permission to accept it just the way it was and move on. Had I not made this conscious decision to escape from my perfection prison, I doubt I could’ve mustered the courage to branch out into mixed-media and collage, where a huge part of the appeal is in making the very new appear to be very old, distressed, and even damaged—and I know I’d never have felt free enough to risk brushing paint across a canvas, layering transparencies over stamped text, or stenciling with unconventional items such as punchinella or mesh—all techniques I’ve grown to love incorporating into my artwork!

Dad's album, entitled with a variation of one of his favorite one-liners: "These Fish Won't Catch Themselves!" Before, the non-uniform appearance of the stamped fish images would have frustrated me...but today, I love this look and am happy to take risks, even on an important gift project.

A mini-book I’m in the process of creating for my father offers proof that I’m trying to overcome my perfectionism. Several of the photos featured in the book are far from perfect; unfortunately, my grandma, who was just 5’ tall, snapped many of them, and because my dad was always at least a foot taller than she was, she found it impossible to compose a picture of him without a significant chunk of his head sliced off! In the past, had I been given flawed images such as these, I know I wouldn’t have been willing to use them…but today, it’s a minor snafu that won’t interfere with my quest to complete a project that will mean so much to my dad. In addition, there have been a few instances in which paint, Mod Podge, and craft glue ended up in places they shouldn’t have…and even though I may still feel a twinge of that old perfectionist monster stirring within, I’ve resisted the urge to rip up my project and start from scratch. It’s ironic, because sometimes the biggest mistake squeezes the best creativity out of an artist; a mistake that seems unsalvageable at first may, through the use of an unexpected technique, turn out to be one of the best features of the entire project!

Left: Dad's head chopped off in photo snapped by his mother-in-law (at least the fish looks good!).

Left: After smudges of brown paint unintentionally made their way on to the background of this page, I decided to add more "weathering" by dry-brushing more of the same paint over the edges and interior of the background, leading to a more satisfying, rougher look.
Right: Prior to escaping from my perfection prison, a slightly off-kilter rub-on word would have forced me to tear this page out and start over; after further consideration, I think the more random placement of the words adds a bit of authenticity and charm that wouldn't be there if they were perfectly straight.

So...next time you look down at your artwork and realize you’ve made what feels like a glaring, gargantuan mistake, take a step back…and breathe! Let go of your compulsion to be perfect, and give yourself a break! Instead of a tragedy, your accident may in fact provide you an opportunity to grow, to learn, and to use a great new technique as a clever disguise…and chances are, nobody but you will ever know the difference!

My Creativity Lives On!

2011-03-09T20:28:00.004-06:00

Tonight I did what I promised I would do...I returned to my studio and completed a solid hour's worth of work on the gift album I'm creating as a surprise for my dad, commemorating his lifelong love of fishing. My husband and stepson, Connor, were also in the basement, watching American Idol in the rec room area adjacent to my workspace, so it was an added bonus to be participating in family activities, too!

Despite the fact this evening proved to be quite disastrous for the rights of public workers across our state, I told myself that enough valuable time has been sacrificed worrying and stressing about what the future will hold. I see getting back to my work as a victory.

Pictured below is my inspirational wall quote, which reminds me that creating even just a small bit of art in a small pocket of time is good for me...and that I need to keep on keepin' on. There are some things no one will ever be able to take from me!

What kind of masterpiece have you created today?

Where's My Creativity?

2011-03-09T13:21:00.002-06:00

I’ve been struggling to conjure up the energy to create in the last few weeks. Instead of trying to make progress with one of the many projects I’m currently working on, I’m much more likely to be curled up on the couch with a blanket and a book, living vicariously through the artists featured in magazines, or just staring at the TV. Some days it feels like the stress and strain of everyday life is sucking the creativity right out of me.

My low spirits in the last month probably have a lot to do with the ugly, widening rift that’s opened up in our state between left-wing and right-wing and between employees in the public and private sectors. As licensed service professionals possessing master’s degrees, my husband and I are both very frustrated with how little some of our fellow citizens respect the work we do, not to mention how little they wish to contribute, while we keep picking up the slack and giving up more and more. If both of us were working full-time, maybe I wouldn’t feel so heavy-hearted, defeated…but our household has already suffered considerably as a result of these tough economic times.

In the year that’s elapsed since losing my full-time employment, the creative process has been highly cathartic. On countless occasions, descending the stairs to my basement studio has felt like an escape from a world in which nothing seems to be within my control. Trying new techniques and learning new methods of creating art has filled the gaping crater inside me that was left behind when my career unexpectedly imploded. The act of collaging and painting and embellishing has given me the kind of satisfaction that comes with building something out of nothing. Whenever I manage to finish a card, a memory book, or a canvas, I feel like it’s proof that in spite of the stress, worries, and self-doubt that I’ve experienced in other aspects of my life, that I’m still here, that I’m still me, that I’ve become a better, more enriched me because of all I’ve endured…and that I’m actually thriving despite the difficulties. Art has the power to lift me up, and I’m so grateful that I’ve found it, that it’s wrapped itself tightly around me.

I know that I need to keep creating art, that today needs to be the day I return to it. I need to muster up the energy to walk down the stairs and enter again into that sacred, serene space, and let the process be my escape. I need to stencil and stipple and stamp, and rediscover what is real and true inside of me. I need to look up at the wall above my desk, where I’ve placed the words, “Make each day your masterpiece,” and use the tools I’ve been blessed with to do that very thing.